Trader Joe's Organic Vanilla Bean Paste

For some crazy reason I was thinking this would be, you know, a paste. It's not. It's a syrup. In case you were wondering, yes, this is my first vanilla bean "paste" purchase. I realize Trader Joe's didn't invent this stuff. But a paste is somewhere in between solid and liquid. This is just a sticky fluid with bean bits in it. I dunno, man. That's my story and I'm sticking to it: vanilla bean paste is a syrup, not a paste. I'll die on that hill.

Not that it matters. It's still thick. It's still yummy. It's like vanilla extract but sweeter, thicker, tastier, and beanier—with way less alcohol flavor. Yes, it's much thicker than vanilla extract but not so thick that you'd call it a paste. But whatevs.

Apparently all vanilla bean "paste" is like this. It's very much on par with chocolate syrup in terms of thickness and sweetness, but with a distinctly vanilla aroma and essence. I guess it's kinda odd to review chocolate syrup and vanilla syrup in such a short span of time, but hey, what's done is done.

The best part about this product: the little vanilla bean specks. You can change regular boring vanilla ice cream to vanilla bean ice cream with just a teaspoon or two of this stuff. Or add it to smoothies, coffee, whipped cream, overnight oats, French toast, or cake mix. We did all of the above. Well, not the cake mix. Not yet. If there's any of this bottle still left in two months, I'll request a birthday cake with vanilla bean paste in the batter.

Five bucks for a tiny bottle of potent vanilla, complete with beanage. Comparable bottles from other brands apparently go for $20-$25. I like it. Sonia likes it. We would buy Trader Joe's Organic Vanilla Bean Paste again...even though it's clearly a thick syrup, not a paste.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Peas & Carrots Sour Gummy Candies

This is, like, totally the worst way to get your vegetables. But hey, there is some spirulina in there for color. So maybe that counts, right?

I don't think these candies are very sour at all. The carrots have some of that "sour sugar" on the outside but are otherwise just normal sweet gummy candy. Sonia says the peas are sorta kinda approaching an acceptable level of sourness but not quite attaining it. They're the opposite of the carrots: their insides are sourer than their stiff outer shell.

Made of mainly glucose syrup and sugar, the texture of the candy is hard to describe. The carrots are softer than the peas. It's a mouthfeel similar to that of Sunkist Fruit Gems, slightly different than your run-of-the-mill Sour Patch Kids or Swedish Fish—firm but gelatinous at the same time. Sonia says they're more dense than your average gummy candy.

The peas have an almost plasticky outer layer. The outside part almost feels like one of those old school glossy gumballs. The insides are soft and slightly chewy, and they taste moderately tart I guess.

$1.29 per 3 oz bag. Bring back the Ts & Js, TJ's. Sonia and I both like the Sour Scandinavian Swimmers more than these. I'm not saying I wouldn't eat a few peas and carrots if I had low blood sugar and somebody tossed me a bag of these guys, but neither Sonia nor I would buy these again. Two and a half stars from me. Three stars from Sonia for Trader Joe's Peas & Carrots Sour Gummy Candies.

Bottom line: 5.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Bake At Home Organic Garlic Bread

I really try not to let other people on the internet influence my opinion when writing reviews, but in this instance I couldn't escape all of the negative chatter about this product. Some folks were even circulating rumors that Trader Joe's corporate had directed store managers to take this bread off the shelves at certain(?) stores. Others said crazy things like their family of 15 couldn't even finish the six serving loaf and loads of other such nonsensical hyperbole.

I'm here to tell you it's not that bad. Is it great? No. But it's not terrible in our humble opinions. I mean, it's an odd concept: organic bread vacuum sealed up in plastic and preserved like King Tut, complete with oxygen absorber. There's even garlic spread already spread in between the two halves of the loaf. Then you unseal it, even out the spread between the halves, and toss it into the oven for 15 minutes at 425°F.

The bread kinda smelled like sourdough and plastic even after removing all the packaging. It browned nicely in the oven and came out smelling a bit better than when it went in. The top half of the loaf was inordinately thin and the bottom half was equally thick, so the top wound up being crispy and overly crunchy while the bottom remained doughy and much softer—although honestly, both halves were quite stiff and chewy.

As weird as it looked and smelled, I thought the taste of the garlic spread was okay. The bread itself wasn't bad either, but nor was it anything special. Mind you, this bread had a "best by" date of July 2nd (purchased this past Sunday). That's "fresh-baked" bread that can sit on your kitchen counter for almost three months...at least in theory anyway.

$3.99 for the loaf. Interesting concept. Don't think I'd buy again. Still, it isn't anywhere near as awful as some people are saying it is. Sonia and I polished most of it off in the course of a single day. Easy enough to prepare. It's just a little tougher than I'd have liked, texture-wise, and the flavor was just good but not stellar—far from inedible, but certainly a little weird. Three and a half stars from Sonia. Three stars from me for Trader Joe's Bake At Home Organic Garlic Bread.

Bottom line: 6.5 out of 10.