Trader Joe's Chunky Garlic & Jalapeño Hot Sauce

First thoughts: looks like one of those Cholula or Tapatio or Texas Pete hot sauce bottles with a teensy little hole where you have to shake the bottle fairly vigorously to get the sauce to come out, so how could it possibly be "chunky"? There might be some pureed peppers in there or something like that, but this sauce being truly chunky seems unlikely.

Oh well, if it tastes like garlic and jalapeño I don't even care if it's chunky or not.

The verdict? Okay...it's...sorta chunky. The entire circumference of the mouth of the bottle is open. It's not like that super tiny narrow hole on other hot sauce bottles, which allows bits of jalapeño to flow from the container onto your food.

The taste? Briny! The jalapeño peppers are brined and they make the whole thing taste super salty. It's like garlic-flavored sea water with a little heat to it. Not my favorite hot sauce for sure. Not even close. This definitely won't replace Tapatio or Cholula in our household, and it definitely won't take the place of good tomato-based actually-chunky salsa for chip dipping or topping Mexican dishes.

I make this meal I call "tuna surprise" because the ingredients change every time we have it based on what condiments are available in our fridge at the time of creation... 

I have a feeling it will do pretty well as an element in tuna surprise. A little saltiness and heat never hurts that dish.

Maybe I just have to get used to it. It's not at all like what I was expecting. Supposedly this type of salsa is quite popular all throughout California's Central Coast. I only made it up that way once or twice during my Cali days.

$3.99 for the 10 oz. bottle. Sonia is similarly unimpressed. Three stars from her. Two and a half from me for Trader Joe's Chunky Garlic & Jalapeño Hot Sauce.

Bottom line: 5.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Brigadeiros

A Brazilian girl I once knew told me that they often eat dessert first in Brazil because it makes them feel fuller sooner, so they wind up eating less of the main course—one of the many reasons, she explained, that Brazilians tend to be more fit than Americans. She also told me that Brazilian culture is all about having fun, more so than American culture, which focuses on career and work too much, and that Brazilians go out every day to clubs or parties, dance, and walk a lot, while Americans stay home and watch TV.

But nobody ever told me about brigadeiros. Maybe my Brazilian friend knew I'd just sit on the couch catching up with my Star Wars shows on Disney Plus shoveling them into my mouth box by box like a typical obese American. I bet that was it. She was looking out for me.

But Trader Joe has no scruples about selling me Brazilian bonbons and watching me grow fatter and fatter, do you Joe? Something something something about self-control and all that. Sure. Whatever. Actually, the box says they're Portuguese. But Google says they're Brazilian. I guess they're both..? I'm all over the place today.

Well, at any rate, these brigadeiros are delicious. They're uber-chocolatey. Fudgy, like it says on the box. They're dense, creamy, thick, and they deliver a massive blast of sweet milk chocolate.

Texture-wise, they're soft and they do indeed melt in your mouth. They're not chewy or crunchy or crispy at all. They're slightly squishy but solid when you remove them from the little tray, but as soon as they hit your tongue, it almost feels and tastes like you just tilted your head back and squirted a bunch of chocolate syrup into your mouth.

$3.79 for nine little chocolate bonbon things. Not available at TJ's anymore. I think they came out right when that first round of fall goodies got released this year. Not sure if we'll ever see them again, but my vote is: bring them back, please. Very tasty. Double fours from Sonia and me for Trader Joe's Brigadeiros.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Spiced Cider

It's very rare I'm in the mood for a hot beverage. Even in the midst of a frigid midwestern winter, I'll generally reach for an ice cold energy drink over traditional coffee and I'll do refrigerated cider over the heated kind. I might have a mug of hot chocolate after shoveling snow or a walk in sub-freezing temperatures, but that's unusual for me.

 
At the same time, I think I'd be remiss in my duties as an unofficial Trader Joe's brand product blogger if I didn't at least try this beverage both hot and cold. We'll get to the results in a minute...

For review, TJ's once produced what was maybe my favorite cider drink of all time, now long since forgotten and discontinued. Why do you hate me, Trader Joe? And they offered what I consider one of the worst cider products of all time, too. Also discontinued. Hey, at least they're consistent. This particular iteration of cider has been around for at least the past few years, somehow eluding a post on this blog up until now.

So where does it land on the spectrum of fine festive fall beverages? For me personally, it's somewhere in the middle, probably closer to the top than to the bottom. It's aromatic from the moment you twist off the cap. There's a good bit of sediment in the depths of the bottle, so a fair amount of agitation is required before pouring.

Served cold, it's light and sweet enough to be refreshing, and the spices are quite noticeable but not overpowering. It's a bit tart, maybe even more than I was expecting. It's chuggable and/or sippable, and there's not too much aftertaste like some ciders we've seen in the past.

When heated, the spicy aromas only increase. The lemon juice seems to wake up, too, and add a bit more tang. There's an almost caramel-esque quality to the smell. It's fine by itself, but it begs for a dusting of cinnamon, cloves, and/or nutmeg to further enhance the experience. Even as a lover of cold drinks, I think this particular cider might shine a bit more brightly when served piping hot, with each flavor opening up just a tad more than in the iced version. Oddly, Sonia thinks the opposite, and she's way more into warm drinks than I am.

Sonia loves it. Four and a half stars from her. $3.99 for the bottle, found with the unrefrigerated juices. Three and a half stars from me for Trader Joe's Spiced Cider.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.