Trader Joe's Spicy Mango Lemonade

 

Let's get one thing right outta the way here. 

We're gonna talk about pureed jalapeños. In a beverage, namely Trader Joe's Spicy Mango Lemonade. 

Ho. Lee. Crud. 

Now, c'mon. Jalapeños can carry a little kick, but they're far from the spiciest pepper out there. How many Scovilles are they? Too lazy to look it up, but it's nothing compared to a habanero or Scotch bonnet, much less the infamous Merciless Pepper of Quetzalacatenango. I get that, and I get it completely. 

But man....

Maybe it's because it'sin an otherwise cool, refreshing beverage form. Maybe the lemon and citrus amp up the heat a little, or mango just so happens to be a natural capsaicin amplifier, or maybe I'm turning into more and more of wimp as my 40th birthday creeps ever so closer....

But this stuff is HOT and SPICY. Real kick. No false advertising or faux bravado. Hot dang. 

I was prideful at first and took a big gulp. Big mistake. If my tastebuds were Super Mario, the heat was some pretty big league Thwomps, maybe world six level. It can be navigated, for sure, but you best get yourself prepared. Don't know why or how, but man - just HOT. 

I'm sure you can cut down the heat a bit, by mixing in some fizzy water or some booze even. Tried it that way, and it worked extremely well. 

Aside from the heat, there's plenty of sweet hits from the mango and citrusy sour notes from the lemon to really fill out the flavor in a rather enjoyable way.  There's no pulp or anything, just smooth juice. Want some lemonade with a kick? Here's your shot. 

That being said, the jalapeño limeade from TJ's seems to be a touch more refreshing and palatable. My theory is that limes and jalapeños just kinda go together better than jalapeños and lemons and mangos. Or perhaps it's just a little more familiar.

Anyways, the spicy mango lemonade is worth a pick up if you haven't tried, but consider yourself warned. Can you beat the heat?

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Spicy Mango Lemonade: 7.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Grecian Style Eggplant with Tomatoes & Onions

Here's an oldie but a goodie. Shelf-stable eggplant in a can. Yum?

I didn't really know what to expect first time I opened one of these containers. Big slabs of eggplant? Actual pieces of tomato? If you ask me, this product is really just like a big can of tomato-based pasta sauce. I mean, sure, there's eggplant in there. And it doesn't taste or feel quite like any other eggplant I've ever had.

I've had eggplant that was leathery. I've tried some that was rubbery. But I've also sampled eggplant that was absolutely delightful—with a mouthfeel not unlike tender meat. This eggplant is none of the above. The texture of this eggplant is...gelatinous? Slimy? It's quite wet and limp, but I must admit there's an unexpected melt-in-the-mouth quality, too. It's definitely not the worst eggplant texture I've ever had, but it's not the best either.

Taste-wise, it's fine, but I think the actual mild flavor of eggplant is heavily overshadowed by tomatoes, tomatoes, and more tomatoes. That's right, there's tomato sauce, tomato paste, peeled tomatoes, chopped tomatoes, and tomato juice in there. I guess "tomato paste" is actually an ingredient in the "tomato sauce," etc but all five of those tomato elements are indeed listed in the ingredients. Trader Joe's Tomato, Tomato, Tomato, Eggplant, Onion, and Tomato just didn't sound right to those marketing folks. By that same token, this is a "product of Bulgaria." I suppose TJ's shoppers are more inclined to grab a "Grecian" food than a Bulgarian one. Anyway, I digress.

Since Sonia's much more into tomatoes than I am, she enjoyed this product significantly more than yours truly. I must admit, it made a pretty great pizza topping. I want to try it on bruschetta. It's great with pasta, and it's okay with crackers. I like it better heated than straight from the can. On the other hand, I can eat those Greek Chickpeas straight outta the packaging ALL DAY LONG. Like the chickpeas, however, this product is shelf-stable for about a year and a half before the best by date and cheap ($1.29). Also vegan.

Three stars from me. A near-perfect four and a half from the beautiful wifey.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Hula Cruncha

 Not too get too "real world"-y here, as usually we're more of a break from it than anything else, but there's no denying there's shortages of all sorts of stuff these days. And for a few minutes, in the absolutely most benignly and unimportant of ways, I thought those shortages had reached their way right into my bag of the new Trader Joe's Hula Cruncha. 

Namely...all this popcorn...but where's the rice crackers?!?!?!?!

Fortunately, after some mining and creative digging, finally I hit the rice cracker paydirt. All these various sized sticks and chunks and orbs had somehow all settled their way to the bottom. So, mental note for next time, give a sealed bag a good shake to make it all a little more even. 

And there definitely will be a next time. 

It's an interesting snack mix, this Hula Cruncha. Quite honestly I can say I've never had anything quite like it. The closest I can relate it to is another TJ's product, the Synergistically Seasoned Popcorn. Even that's not quite right, as it's a different flavor profile, but it's similar in that each bite seems to hit a little differently, with accentuating a different spice or taste combo. There's a soft, somewhat muted sweetness that's absolutely more soy derived than sugary. Also, a healthy dose of vinegar adds a pretty decent tang quotient. But then...I mean...just look at all the spices and everything listed in the ingredients. Some bites there's all of them, some only a few, some heavier on the cayenne or pepper or rosemary. And last but not least, there's plenty of nori specks here, there and everywhere that a little umami-licious touch. It's really quite something. 

Once you finally get to the rice crackers, it's a really fun crunch too. The different shapes and sizes of those crunchers are a fun change up from the reliable yet unremarkable popcorn poofiness. 

In all, it's just one of those snacks that even though I'm still grasping my tastebuds around it all, there's really nothing wrong and plenty that seems just right. 

Go get some and don't short yourself! $3ish for the bag. Double fours. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Hula Cruncha: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons