Trader Joe's Roasted Red Pepper and Artichoke Tapenade

To the best of my knowledge, I've never had tapenade before this, except possibly on top of some bruschetta here and there. It's obviously not a stand-alone item. It needs something bready to be served on. It's more of a condiment than anything else.

If Sonia and I had been ambitious, we could have made our own bruschetta by toasting a crusty loaf of French or Italian bread in our oven and adding some olive oil and this tapenade. Or if I had been smart, I would have just picked up the Trader Joe's Pita Bite Crackers that were sitting next to the tapenade on their display, and then I could have made this a double review. BUT, just as I picked up the tapenade, I remembered that we had a big box of Ritz-type crackers that we ate with our Wine Country Chicken Salad slowly going stale on our shelf, and one of the more practical voices in my head told me to just use those up before purchasing any more crackers, knowing full well that the pita bite crackers would be consumed before the Ritz-type ones, thus rendering them even more stale, and risking a bit of food wastage. SO...we put them on the Ritz-type butter crackers.

Big mistake. The butteriness of that type of cracker did NOT go well with the pasty, peppery oiliness of the tapenade. For some reason both textures and tastes conflicted a little. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't terrible. It just wasn't the gourmet taste adventure that we discovered shortly thereafter.

We satisfied my frugal side by finishing up our butter crackers, and then we ran out to the grocery store next-door and got some Town House brand Pita Crackers with Mediterranean seasoning, and they were a much better match! 

Despite being full of peppers, the taste of the tapenade was pretty mild. I almost expected it to be salsa-like at first, but it was a delicate, oily, vegetabley flavor. The red peppers gave it just enough zip to keep it interesting. And somehow the herbs in the crackers perfectly complemented the relative subtlety of the tapenade. The dry graininess of pita crackers worked much better texture-wise, too. Sonia and I both agreed we'd never eat tapenade with butter crackers again.

So...be sure to stock up for Superbowl Sunday. Because there's nothin' like tapenade...and football...together.

I give the tapenade 4 out of 5 stars. Sonia gives it 3.5.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Chocolate Kona Coffee Truffles

Alright now, everybody, don't worry. Just because I'm the guy who last posted about not one but two really healthy snacks doesn't mean I'm giving up on the really good TJ's bounty that always lurks around. I'm just the guy who's going to try and enjoy all that, in (semi) blessed moderation while mostly eating really healthy. Down almost ten pounds since the start of the year and it's just about time to punch a new hole in the belt. I can hear Sandy now; dear, belts are $20 and holes are free, I'm not buying a new one. Somehow, me talking moderation about sweet, sugary good stuff makes me think of Cookie Monster coming to the earth shattering conclusion that cookies are really only meant to be "sometimes foods." For further proof, check out this old post about chocolate covered potato chips AND cheesecake. Glutton.

Anyways, Trader Joe's Chocolate Kona Coffee Truffles seemed to offer a good opportunity to put my newfound resolve to a test. Little wrapped, delectable chocolate candies? In theory, I could eat these by the handful all night and wake up to Wilfred Brimley, a box from Liberty Mutual, and diabeetus in the mornin'. Emphasis on "in theory." My tastebuds live for this kinda stuff.

I'll admit these truffles are pretty good. I mean, they don't necessarily make my tastebuds get up and make whatever kind of dance/love these guys are making, but still, yumz abound. There's just layer upon layer of chocolate - milk, dark, and white - all melded together into an incredibly rich, decadent bite-sized chunk of pure delight. To fully enjoy, you gotta resist the urge to chomp right thru and instead just let it melt in your mouth (takes a minute or two, tops) and just let it wash all over. I swear I could taste each chocolate separately, but only in flavory flashes. This way you can also experience the tiny granules of Kona coffee in there - I'll admit they're too small and get lost in the sea of cocoacity (yes, new word) to really taste if they're "true Kona," "cheap Kona," or "Folgers." The coffee taste is also pretty easily missed if just chewed and swallowed, as was Sandy's main complaint. It's just a little too subtle, but man, otherwise, these are knockouts.

Also, the fact that they're so rich that honestly I'm good with just one or two of them is a major plus. I'd like to think that I can use these as a small reward for eating my fruits and veggies, etc, after a long day is a good idea. Not sure how much caffeine the coffee has, though, and I'm fairly caffeine sensitive. I had two the other night and got wrapped in a good book for a rare relaxing evening so I ended up staying up late. Not sure if that's more Trader Joe's or Alice Sebold's fault.

Sandy wishes they were more coffee-y. I kinda agree, but I'm glad TJ's erred on the side of subtlety here. Plus, man, that melty chocolate taste....We're talking about knocking on the very door of greatness here. For a $3.99 little baggie of treasures, it'd be hard to do much better.   

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Chocolate Kona Coffee Truffles: 8.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Multigrain Triple Berry Instant Hot Cereal

I have a chia pet in my tummy.

At least that's what I imagine when I eat chia seeds. But I suppose they don't really produce long green sprouts when they're in my digestive system. Even though sometimes it feels that way.

Not so with this product. It was nice and light—yet still hearty. The serving size was perfect. And I added exactly 1/2 cup of soymilk to one packet and nuked it for two minutes as per the microwaving instructions, and the product emerged at the exact temperature and thickness that I like my oatmeal. Granted, the directions called for water, but I always find oatmeal

made with water is, well...watery. Unlike the Quick Cook Steel Cut Oats, the microwave was friendly to this hot cereal. Plus, I got the 900mg of Alpha-Linolenic Acid that my body craves! (I actually have no idea what that is. Perhaps a nutrition expert will enlighten us in the comment section below).

I was perfectly happy with the texture and taste of this oatmeal. Surprisingly, I was satisfied with its berry content, too, even though in the past, I've found TJ's berry oatmeals wanting in that department. All of the dried berries were teensy-tiny, but there were plenty of them, and after a vigorous stirring session, they were adequately distributed throughout my bowl. And partially because of the berries, this product was perfectly sweet for me. There was no need to add sugar, and for those of you who've been reading for a while, you know I have a mad sweet tooth. The seeds blended seamlessly with the grains of oats and added a subtle but noticeable element of texture to the cereal's mushiness.

Sonia's a huge fan of plain oatmeal. She eats it virtually everyday. In general, she doesn't like flavored oatmeals, but this was an exception to her rule...er, sort of. She couldn't muster quite as much enthusiasm as I could, but she generously gave this product a 3.5 star rating because it still tasted earthy and grainy like oatmeal should. I gave it 4 stars because it had all the wholesomeness of regular oatmeal, but it's significantly less boring. Perfect for these polar vortex mornings.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.