Trader Joe's Pastry Bites with Feta Cheese and Caramelized Onions

Sometimes Sonia and I buy things from TJ's and I never get around to reviewing them for some reason. I eat the product, I analyze the product, I think about maybe writing something about the product, and for whatever reason, I just don't get around to the review. The following is a review of a product that we've bought no fewer than three times and never reviewed. I'm not sure why. I like them alright. I think we've always just had them as hors d'oeuvres for little parties and get-togethers, and I've always gotten distracted by our company or the other food we had or maybe just the general craziness of life. Whatever the reason, a review of these little guys has been a long time coming, and I'm anxious to share my thoughts about them.

For starters, the fact that we've bought them at least three times should tell you something. Our ultimate goal is to review as many TJ's brand products as possible (that goal of reviewing EVERY Trader Joe's brand product is looking more and more unrealistic every day) so repeat-buys are rare; reserved only for the really good stuff. Also, these pastry bites have been available at TJ's since before the inception of this blog until now. TJ's is known for discontinuing products at the drop of a hat, so for something to last for over a year and a half is no small feat. Not only that, but Sonia and I started out by reviewing Trader Joe's products in the Los Angeles area, and now we're reviewing them in the Philadelphia area. (The Shelly's are in Pittsburgh). And those of you who've ventured into Trader Joe's stores in multiple cities are probably aware that their delectable fares vary from region to region. So the very fact that this item has been readily available on both the west coast and the east coast should tell you that it's a popular product.

As mentioned in previous posts, I'm comfotable eating goat cheese with sandwiches, soups, salads, or any savory or salty snack, however, it should not be partnered with sweets or dessert foods in my humble opinion. As I have just learned, thanks to Wikipedia, feta cheese is made of mostly sheep's milk. Weird. All these years I thought it was a type of goat cheese. Apparently, it may be made with a combination of sheep's milk and goat's milk, but sheep's milk must be the primary ingredient. At any rate, I would put feta into that same grouping of cheeses that work only with non-dessert items.

Thankfully, these are not dessert pastries. And caramelized onions, though somewhat sweet, are still in a family of foods that belong with non-dessert items. Can you imagine eating caramelized onions with ice cream or cake. Yuck!

I think these pastry bites are the first and only food I've tried with both feta and caramelized onions. And I gotta tell ya, I'm feelin it. Totally. This is one of those combos like peanut butter and jelly in which its ingenious inventor should get the Nobel Prize for Food Discoveries or some such prestigious award. The onions are slightly sweet and very tangy. The feta gives it this wonderful, zesty savoriness. The pastry part of this hors d'oeuvre is very similar to other Trader Joe's brand oven-ready hors d'oeuvres like these Scallop Bites. It ain't the Ritz, as they say, but it's certainly not bad, either. It's a crispy, flakey, crown-shaped little bowl of yumminess. And in it sits more yumminess.

Sonia gives it a 3.5. I think her score might have been higher, but for some reason she is in a bad mood currently. She won't tell me why yet. But when I ask, "What's wrong?" her reply is an immediate "NOTHING," which, I've learned is not a good sign. Undoubtedly, I've done something wrong. I suppose I shall find out in the sweet bye and bye what it was.

I was torn between giving them a 4 and a 4.5, as these are some of the best snack-foods I've had from Trader Joe's. I finally decided to go with the 4.5 to counterbalance Sonia's inaccurately low 3.5. At any rate, we wind up with an 8. So be it.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10 stars.

Trader Joe's Organic Popping Corn

Every year at the holidays, it's the same. My mom and dad go all out in making and prepping quadruple batches of probably ten different kinds of cookies, homemade bread, pies, and other assorted treats (like Swedish tea ring for Christmas breakfast) just so when my siblings and I descend on their house for a crammed chaotic weekend of food and festivities, not a single one of us would have to face the horror of going more than five minutes without having one of our favorite treats more than an arm length away. I love it for more reasons than it being great homemade food. It's how my folks show their love, of course, and naturally we can make a few good-natured jokes at their expense, like how when they put out platters of cookies on the shelf with their pictures of all their grandbabies, that was their "cookie offering" at the "grandkid shrine." All of us laughing and enjoying each other with some good food - no matter which holiday you celebrate, and whether more secular or religious, and no matter who you celebrate it with, that just may be the very best part.

Strangely enough, though, despite all the homemade cookies and cakes and treats, there always has to be homemade Chex mix there. Always, or it seems a little off, to the point where upon realization one of us will spring into action to make it right away. I don't know if it's the contrasting crunchiness or saltiness against all the sugary delights my family makes, but Chex mix, while certainly not the star of the show, has its own important place amongst everything else.

That's kinda how I also feel about popcorn, more specifically, the non-microwaved non movie-theatered butter-blasted super salty lipid explosion Reddenbacher stuff. Although I like that stuff too, its the simple stovetop variety I like the best. For this, of course, you need good popcorn kernels to start with, so with that in mind, once Sandy and I spotted Trader Joe's Organic Popping Corn, we knew we ought to fire it up and give it a try.

I tell ya what: it works well. Really, really well, actually. The corn pops up fairly quickly in a little olive oil and makes big, fluffy popcorn guys that have the needed munch and crunch while still being a little Styrofoamy. Perfect. In the couple times we've made it, there's been a good popped to unpopped ratio of kernels (probably at least 9.5:1) which I can't always say about other brands...there was this one jar we bought once, can't remember which one, but it was nearly 50/50. That's unacceptable. Sandy loves burnt kernels and all, but there's only so much that should be there before you begin feeling a little cheated. TJ's popcorn was just about spot on. Naturally, it works well with whatever kind of seasoning we choose to go with - whether prepped with some chipotle olive oil or some piri-piri sauce we still have from our Portuguese honeymoon, or a little butter and garlic salt once popped, or even just plain. That's another good reason to go with homemade popcorn - you can control what it tastes like and how good or bad it'll be for you.

I don't recall what the cost is, but it's fairly inexpensive, probably around $2 or $3 for bag that'll last a long while. Fearing it'd be a one-and-done sighting like one or two of my other favorite TJ treats, we bought this bagged corn-ucopia of fluffy yumminess a while back right after we just opened a different bag of corn kernels, so we had to wait to crack this one open. It was well worth it, and glad to say, I've still seen it every trip since. The only semi-negative thing I can say about it is, some of the kernels pop so quick that by the time the rest of them pop, they can be a little burned. Those are the ones Sandy goes for, though, and there's plenty enough of unblemished bits to go around. I'm not sure how to interpret the "organic" part of the product except to suppose that, potentially unlike other brands, the corn isn't turbo-blasted with chemicals and popcorn steroids to make the biggest, fluffiest ones possible. That's probably a good thing, and Trader Joe's popping corn does well enough without any of that. Well enough to get dueling 4.5s from the Mrs. and me.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Organic Popping Corn: 9 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Premium Egg Nog

It's been a busy December, as Decembers often are. There's decorating, shopping, and holiday gatherings and whatnot. I often get stressed out and cranky. That's easy to tell from the first couple reviews I did this month. I figure this blog is one of my outlets for ranting and raving, as the blog I do for my day job is so extraordinarily postive and happy all the time. Which reminds me, since it's the holidays and all, we should be thinking about giving to others...and CURE.org is a great organization to support.

Now, before I move on to the actual eggnog, I must say that I really like the snowman cow on the carton. TJ's has some great artwork sometimes. Though, I'm not quite sure what's coming out of the cup in his hand. Is that steam? Is the cow drinking his eggnog hot? I've never heard of that. That's just downright weird.

And I must say I am an eggnog-drinking maniac. I loooove eggnog. It's so disgustingly delicious. I mean, it tastes delicious, but after I drink an entire carton by myself, I feel disgusting. Disgustingly delicious. I've had many, many different brands. I've had it by itself, I've had it with various liquors, I've had it with nutmeg and cinnamon on top, I've had it cut with skim milk. I have drunk it in a car. I have drunk it near and far. As of now, my favorite is Southern Comfort brand. It comes sans alcohol, in vanilla or regular flavors. Amazing. Sorry, Trader Joe. You didn't make the #1 spot.

But you're not at the bottom of the list either. I've had store-brand eggnog that comes in gallon cartons for like two or three bucks. Terrible. I think the worst I've had was Ralph's brand out in California. Yuck. I learned to just shell out the extra $2 and get something that tastes like heaven in a glass. So let's imagine a hypothetical diagram. It's a line. At the far right end of the line is Southern Comfort brand eggnog in that sleek black container, the very paradigm of dairy deliciousness. At the far left end of the line is a repulsive, yellowed store-brand with mysterious brown chunks and the smell of chewed bubblegum. TJ's brand falls just right of center. It's more good than it is bad, but not by much. Its flavor is a bit nutty. Its texture is creamy enough. But there's just nothing to really set it apart from boring, run-of-the-mill eggnogs.

Sonia isn't a connoisseur of fine eggnogs like I am. In fact, up until recently, she thought eggnog was disgusting. She could never get over the smell for some reason. Under slight duress from her husband, she managed to gag down a couple gulps of different eggnogs over the past 3 Christmas seasons in an attempt to expand her horizons and appreciate new things. It's grown on her. She has managed to discern that SoCo brand is the best, but she thinks TJ's may be second.

I agree it's not bad, but I think there are a handful of other brands that would fall in between Trader Joe's not-bad-ness and Southern Comfort's perfection, most notably Alta Dena on the west coast and Turkey Hill here on the east side. I've heard very good things about a brand called Bud's that I haven't gotten to try yet.

Well, apparently, since Sonia still doesn't quite appreciate eggnog fully and recognize it as the nectar of the gods that it is, "second best eggnog ever" only garners a 3 from her. I'm giving it a 3 also. But in my opinion, it's really just a very average eggnog. Either way, it's only gettin' a 6 from us.

Bottom line: 6 out of 10.