Trader Joe's Beer Battered Vidalia Sweet Onion Rings

I'm not sure who came up with the idea of onion rings. Why not fried carrots or broccoli? In Asian restaurants, you'll find vegetable tempura, which is, I guess, as close as you'll get unless you want to buy a deep fat fryer and do it yourself. The fried potato has done very well in the form of French fries, tater tots and hash browns. And I guess fried zucchini has fairly widespread acceptance as a home-cooked food.

The thing about onion rings that really frustrates me is that since the onion has a smooth skin on it, it never really absorbs the fried-ness. The batter simply coats the onion slices and doesn't penetrate the skin of the onion, which in and of itself is not a bad thing. But when I try to eat the onion ring, I always have the problem of the piece of onion slipping right out of its "sleeve" of crispiness, and I find myself with a mouthful of nothing but warm onion. These rings were no exception.

We followed the cooking instructions on the bag, heated them in the oven, and still, we felt they weren't particularly crispy. They seemed to have larger slices of onion than most varieties I've tried. These Trader Joe's Onion Rings are like the steak fries of the onion ring world. They're thick and bulky. It really bothered Sonia, because she's used to onion rings being thin and crispy. That's certainly one way to have them, but I'm always open for something new. I thought the thickness made them heartier in a way. Not only were the onion slices bigger, but there seemed to be a thicker layer of batter on the outside, too, making them kind of doughy. They were more like a meal by themselves this way, as opposed to just a side dish. I think in part due to their size, they retained a greater amount of moisture than most onion rings. Not quite to the point of sogginess, but certainly to the point where it detracted from their crunch-factor.

Flavor-wise, what more could you want from onion rings? Big, sweet vidalia onions, covered in a really nice beer batter. They tasted great to both of us. We dipped them in some ranch dressing, which added a little bit of tang. Personally, I think the crème de la crème of the fried onion world is Outback Steakhouse's Bloomin' Onion. So good, it has its own Wikipedia page, yet so bad for you, it has an entire day's worth of calories. I've never been huge on Funyuns or really cheap onion rings. And I've been meaning to try White Castle's, after hearing some good things about them. But there again, they get a nutrition grade of D+. Trader Joe's Onion Rings have only 130 calories and 60 fat-cals per serving...oh, but wait, there are five servings in the bag. Hmmm, I would have guessed there were only about two and a half servings in the bag. That's tricky. Still not good for you, but maybe not quite as fattening as other brands.

Sonia gives these circular snacks 2.5 stars. I think that's a bit too low. I've gotta give 'em at least a 4. They tasted great to me, even if they were a little over-sized and lacking in the crispiness department. That'll earn them a final status of "not bad."

Bottom line: 6.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Caramelized Nut Trio

You probably don't need me to tell you that life doesn't always go as planned. Same holds true even when you go on vacation. Last Thursday, Sandy and I were in San Diego, hanging out with our friend Ashley downtown at Seaport Village, and planning to attend a "Taste of Downtown" event where we would get to sample tasty dishes from something like 50 different restaurants while touring different neighborhoods. Sounds like a great night, right? Well...you might've heard about it, but an Arizona utility worker had a different idea and set off a massive blackout at around 3:30, which pretty much cancelled everything in the city that night, our dinner plans included.* Well, what can you do, right? The three of us made our back to Ashley's apartment, rummaged out all the candles we could, got out the board games (three rounds of Life, anyone?) and gathered together all sorts of snacky foods. It turned out to be a fantastically fun night, though we were all a little bit relieved when the lights flickered back on at about 11 p.m.

It's kinda like that old saying: When life you gives you nuts, you might as well caramelize them. Or something like that. In the early parts of the blackout, we decided to break out the TJ's Caramelized Nut Trio, even though they were one of the very few readily accessible protein sources for God knew how long. Without power, you (or at least *I*) think about such things. It's survival, dangit.

As for the caramelly nuts - man, they're a great snack food. Very munchy and tasty, and kinda hard to stop grazing on. We were all dipping our paws into the bowl pretty often, though me perhaps a little more often than the two chicas. I loved the mix of walnuts, almonds, and cashews all covered in crunchy caramel coating - salty and sweet in a near perfect blend. To me, they definitely had a good solid crunch to them, though perhaps more due to the candy coating then the nuts themselves. I have no major complaints about them, but just a minor quibble - it'd be nice if a few peanuts were mixed in, too, but I'm glad it wasn't predominantly those nuts as other mixes usually are. I firmly approve, and think they'd be great by themselves or mixed with or put on top of something else.

Las chicas, though? Since there were three nuts in the mix (literally in the TJ trio and figuratively that night in San Diego), I'm soliciting not just Sandy but also, for our first ever celebrity guest judge, Ashley's opinion on the matter. Sandy liked munching on them some, too, but mentioned she wished the nuts themselves were a little harder and crunchier, kinda like the raw almonds we also had that night. Ashley sided a little bit more with me and enjoyed the Nut Trio quite a bit. "I just wish there were some other tastes or bits of something else in there so it's not the same taste over and over, though," she said. Not a bad idea, but not necessary to me, at least.

Okay, three of us, three scores to juggle. Let's be fair and give each of us 3.33 spoons to deal with, and kinda forget about that pesky .01 spoon leftover. For me, 3 out of 3.33 Golden Spoons for another nutty, tasty, irresistible TJ snack. Sandy went with 1.5, and Ashley chimed in with a solid 2.5. If I'm carrying the 1 and counting my toes right that's...let's see...a 7 out of 10. Not bad at all.

You stay classy, San Diego.**
Bottom line: 7 out of 10 Golden Spoons
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*Fortunately, we went out the next night to Mama Testa Taqueria in Hillcrest...amazing. Check out their fresh salsa bar with like ten different homemade salsas, each one unique and delicious, and their "mividita" (fish tacos), simply put, were outstanding.
**Especially you, whoever smashed the window of our rental car that night. Fortunately, you made my day for two reasons: signed up for the damage waiver when I rented so it cost me nothing (actually got money back for returning the car a day early then). Also: you managed to somehow ignore the GPS, iPod, and camera flash that were in the glovebox and run off only with a bag with some of our, let's say, less desirable dirty laundry in it. Hope you enjoy that.

Trader Joe's Sea Salt Brownie Petites

Last week, Sandy and I headed out west to California for our annual vacation. Let me tell you, what a trip, with all the sites and sights...Disneyland (fun as all heck)*, Joshua Tree National Park (stunningly, starkly beautiful - what a landscape), and all around San Diego (a zoo well worth the admission). Fantastic week, and when I woke up on Saturday, our last day of vacation, I seriously contemplated not jumping on the plane back to Pittsburgh. It was too much fun, and too great of an area to ever want to leave. Nathan, Sonia, why did you ever move to Pennsylvania from SoCal again? Moving closer to family and having four distinct seasons, was it? Bah. I'd never leave. Between all those fun things and as many animal-style double-doubles I could ever eat, I was trying to figure out how I could convince my work to relocate me to their nonexistent San Diego facility and if someone could ship our pooch out to us.

There's another thing that amazed me about California, and only to a slightly lesser extent: the size of your Trader Joe's. I mean, dang. They're the size of actual grocery stores out there, if not larger, with a much larger selection of foodstuffs that get shoehorned into our little teeny tiny almost afterthought of a shop here in Pittsburgh. Some of it has to do with being allowed to sell all types of booze (including a great price on Stone Arrogant Bastard Ale - only $3.99 for a bomber? It's twice that, easily, here) but there's so much more. For instance, at the Costa Mesa store we visited, it's a whole literal wall section of tortillas in all sorts of varieties I've never seen here on our one lonely shelf. I'm jealous, very, very jealous.

And there was something else there I'd never seen at our store: these Sea Salt Brownie Petites. Sandy, who had heard about them from a friend who lived in the area, started rummaging around in a frenzy as soon as we entered the store. "I HAVE TO FIND THEM!!!!," she practically wailed. "WHERE ARE THEY!?!?!?!"** I don't blame her for being so, um, enthusiastic to seek out and destroy a pack of them. Previously, we've had some tremendous luck with a TJ chocolate/sea salt combo that was pantheon-level great, and sweet/salty is generally a winning tandem for us, and since we needed some inexpensive snacks for all our adventures, I was all in.

I wish I could say the same for these brownie bites. First one I had was definitely a lot more sodium than brownie taste. How much more? Well, if the chocolate were Kate Moss, the salt would be Jabba the Hut - simply way out of ratio. Other ones weren't nearly as bad, and were actually pretty decent and full of cocoa-goodness, but others were way too reminiscent of the original. The sea salt was just too dominant and not enough of a complement, overall, I think. Also, all of mine were pretty dry and crumbly to the bite as they practically disintegrated into my mouth. That might not be a deterrent to some, but generally I'm much more of a moister brownie fan, and was hoping for something not quite as arid. Sandy, though? Loved them. Absolutely loved them. "All of mine tasted about right, and I loved the texture, too," she said. When I mentioned the dryness of mine, she said she had no such problem at all, and only wished they were a little bit bigger. Hmm, maybe she goldmined all the good bites to herself and left me with most of the undesirables.

I'm going to have a go a little low for my score and go with a 2. They were simply too much of a mixed bag for me - too many of them resembled dried-up brown salty cakes for me, and if I saw them again***, I'd say "Na" (get it?). It's another product that I'd totally get if others like more than I did, so when Sandy said she'd give them a solid 4, I shrugged and didn't argue. Somehow, perhaps because of my slight distaste for them, some of them survived our week and stayed with our friend Ashley in San Diego, who I think enjoys them, too. "If only there was enough room in our luggage..." Sandy grumbled. Well, between all the goodies we got at the 99 Ranch Market and Sandy's new little friend, there just wasn't the space. Oh, bother.

Bottom line: 6 out of 10 Golden Spoons
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* Congrats to Sandy on her best half-marathon yet (2 hrs 43 mins) she ran at Disneyland! Proud of ya, babe.
** Okay, an exaggeration. But only slight.
*** Might have seen them Sunday at the local shop. Seems like we get some stuff on rotation and whatever sells sticks, so if you're in the 'burgh and wanna give them a try, hurry up!