Trader Joe's Winter Wassail

I don't think it's ever come up on this blog before, but I was a band geek back in the day—a proud band geek. I played sousaphone in marching band. In December 1995, our 125-piece unit, including color guard and drum majors, loaded onto a plane and flew to Orlando, FL for the band trip of a lifetime. We marched in the Citrus Bowl Parade and took part in a few festivities right in the Disney parks. 

One of the highlights: a meal at King Henry's Feast, a now-defunct Medieval Times ripoff featuring live jousting, whole turkey legs served right on the bone, and an open invitation to refer to your waitress as "wench." I don't recall the beverage we were wassailing with—it may very well have been Coca-cola or something lame like that—but part of the program involved our host, King Henry, shouting out, "All Hail!" and we'd respond in kind, our cheap tin goblets raised high above our heads, "Wassail!" and then we'd take a drink.

Our feast fell on one of the days immediately following Christmas, and the "banquet hall" there in Orlando was still decorated for the holidays, so I've always remembered the word "wassail" as something very Christmassy and medieval. Apparently, we had been wishing one another "good health" and imploring some Anglo-Saxon gods to give us another good apple harvest the following year—or Coke harvest, as the case may have been.

Whatever that beverage was I was wassailing with those 20 years ago, it wasn't anything like what TJ's has offered us in this Winter Wassail. Because if it had been anything like this, I most certainly would have remembered it more vividly. Not just because this Winter Wassail is delicious, but because it's so unique. It's everything that the Spiced Cranberry Cider should have been, and then some. Granted, there's no cranberry juice, but it's sweet, tart, spicy, and has three types of real fruit juices.

The finish still has the faintest whisper of potpourri and spice drops, but I imagine it's not quite the same as drinking a scented candle, unlike the above-mentioned cranberry cider. It's super versatile: it can be consumed hot or cold (I prefer it cold), with or without cinnamon, and I hear it mixes pretty well with various alcoholic additives, including most red wines. It just tastes like Christmas smells. The Shellys apparently liked it even more than we did, as I was instructed to give it a good score or else my privilege to review it would be revoked. Sonia and I are on the same page here. Are double fours high enough, Russ and Sandy? :-p

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Taste Test of Caramels

Want an exquisite tasting adventure and high stakes competition...all in one? You're sure in luck with Trader Joe's Taste Test of Caramels. For $5.99, you get a twelve pack of fine, dark chocolate-coated ooey gooey caramels in all sorts of delectable flavors like maple, fig and honey, and double espresso...but which is which??? Now, there's the fun! 

As recommended, Sandy and I chilled the caramels in the freezer for a bit to ease the slicing and dicing process one evening while visiting my folks, my sister and her boyfriend. Pro tip: For a crowd bigger than four, get another box - slicing these roughly smaller-than-an-inch cubes into representative bites smaller than a fourth is not an easy task. If you don't get quite the right bite, it's amazing how closely blood orange balsamic can taste like strawberry black pepper. But oh what fun. 

We sampled each, listed our wagers, and at the end, compared our answers against the master key included - the only one we all agreed on was the chili pepper. My sister, local pastry/dessert chef legend, and my mom, home culinary genius, led the scores with *only* eight right each. Sandy and I got seven correct, my dad six...and my sister's boyfriend won the participation award with only three right! Well, I filled all of his with toothpaste, actually, so he's as lucky a guesser as he is good a sport. 

All caramels were delicious and thankfully nothing like those awful pumpkin spice abominations. Be adventurous and snag your own box(es) of gamble caramels - definitely worth the pick up.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Taste Test of Caramels: 9 out of 10 Golden Spoons.