Trader Joe's Pinachios

piz·zazz/pəˈzaz/

Noun: An attractive combination of vitality and glamour.

pa·nache/pəˈnaSH

Noun: 1. Flamboyant confidence of style or manner. 2. A tuft or plume of feathers, esp. as a headdress or on a helmet.

pis·tach·i·o/pəˈstaSHēˌō/

Noun: The edible pale green seed of an Asian tree.

Combine those three words together and that's how you get "Pinachio." Or so I assume. I wouldn't have figured the "pizzazz" part, but the side of the Trader Joe's Pinachio container tells me these cookies have that, and I guess something like "Pizznachio" just sounds a little bit too ridiculous.

Anyways, those a lot of words could use to describe these pistachioed-white chocolate-chipped cookies, but pizzazz and panache are not on the list. I mean, they're not bad, but despite their premise, they're just not all that fancy or particularly great either. Each cookie is mostly just that...cookie. As in, not pistachios or white chocolate, but kinda like the empty space between the stars. Just not a lot there. As a result, while present, there's not a lot of pistachios or white chocolate to taste. Also, this is my personal bias, but I don't like overly crunchy cookies nearly as much as soft semi-melty ones, and the Pinachios are some crunchy little buggers. For the record, they pair great with milk, but to me it's almost a necessity to help soften them up to make them enjoyable.

Sandy swears they softened up some over time. I'm not arguing or contradicting her, but let's just say my mouth's interpretation as to the rigidity and texture pertaining to crunchtitude of these said packaged goods differs from hers. We both agree there isn't all that much to them. "They don't have nearly as much pistachio flavor, as, say pistachio ice cream," Sandy said. "Hmm, these would have been great with ice cream...We should go get ice cream." Oh, twist my arm, sweetie. Anyways, somehow in my life I have managed to be blessed with a semi-regular influx of absolute killer white chocolate chip macadamia cookies, which I'd go for way over these. Just to show how indifferent Sandy and I were to them, after opening them, the container lasted a full week just sitting out on the kitchen table. If that's not an indication of "meh", I don't know what is.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Pinachios: 5.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Everything Bagel Chips

In case you were wondering, to my knowledge at least, Nathan and I really don't have any system whatsoever to determining what products we're going to review. I usually scan the shelves for anything new or interesting-sounding (or both), and if that fails, try to check our purchases against a mental inventory of what we have and haven't reviewed. It's not flawless by any stretch but it works often enough. The only possible weakness of it is, speaking solely for myself, since it's my money and my food (both are pretty darn important), with a notable exception or two, I tend to buy things I have a reasonable expectation of liking, so we can tend to be a little too positive. I think we might be some of the best press TJ's receives this side of the Fearless Flyer, and if someone can get me a job with that, I'm jumping ship.

I mention all that because it's not like Sandy and I bought Trader Joe's Everything Bagel Chips with the set intention of reviewing them. I mean, ho-hum, they're bagel chips, right? How much can one really say about a bag of bagel chips?

Well, this is me we're talking about. I can say a lot about them, but I'd rather be eating them. They're so good that I feel propelled to advise all of you to go purchase them, if for no other reason than to make a good faith effort to ensure they are never discontinued like too many tasty goodies we've reviewed, like the best. salad. ever. Aside from all the normal great attributes of bagel chips (crunchiness, high munchability), what really struck me on these is how fresh they taste. Maybe this doesn't make sense, and maybe I'm pulling this from my youknowwhat, but where other bagel chips taste distinctly toasted, these....don't. They taste just like a fresh bagel that magically crunchy-crispified itself. I don't know how to explain that. Just like any good everything bagel, these chps have plenty of garlic and onion flavor, with all the requisite seeds, and they even have a little butteriness to them. I wish I had a tub of cream cheese to dip them in.

Sandy likes them a fair amount. Bagel chips are her favorite part of Chex Mix, and she acknowledged that these are better than those (no kidding). "I just wish there were more in the bag," she said. "So we could eat more of them?" I asked. "Exactly." Me? I could eat these enough to make myself test positive for opium (that poppy seed deal? Completely legit, as proven by no less a scientific authority than Mythbusters) and not really care. Okay, that's an overstatement, but for bagel chips with a little bit of everything, they're tough to beat.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Everything Bagel Chips: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons