Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Covered Speculoos Cookie Butter Filled Elephant Dung Espresso Beans 10th Anniversary Edition

I guess it wasn't such a crappy idea after all. Trader Joe's Chocolate Covered Elephant Dung Espresso Beans are BACK for a limited time only. They're boasting beautiful new 10th Anniversary Edition artwork and the same rich, earthy essences they did back in 2015. Even though we weren't exactly fixated on the funky flavors of the first edition, we did pick up this repackaging just for a trip down memory lane.

The pachyderm poopoo packs a potent punch and underneath, the coffee and cookie butter blend to provide sweetness and stimulation. I don't think the precise caffeine content of this product has ever been determined or published, but this Limited Edition release has me buzzing right now.

The collectible, reusable box and 20 servings of espresso beans featuring 100% certified organic elephant feces is yours for just $4.99, found in the candy aisle. Yes, it's gone up a buck, but hey, a decade of inflation will do that. Again, we gave the original a "not bad" score. It's really not our favorite snack in the world, but we've made it our duty...ahem, our doody to purchase and review all things TJ's just for you, our loyal readers.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Sourdough Boules

Apparently "boule" is (one of) the French word(s) for "ball." Some places say it's pronounced "bool" and other say "bool-eh," so I don't even know. I say "bool" in the video. If that's wrong, I'm sure someone will call me out on it.

These are big roundish loaves of crusty sourdough and we turned ours into bread bowls. They were pretty good taste and texture-wise, and they retained the soup quite well. We just wish you could taste that tart sourdough flavor a bit more. We particularly enjoyed the crusty outer portion of this bread.

I've had my share of bread bowls with soup and I'd say this one is better than average. I'm glad Sonia cut the indentations for the soup because I'd have probably mangled the things beyond recognition. And the "lid" makes the perfect dunkable for the soup.

$2.99 for two big bread boules, found with the breads and baked goods. The best by date on our bag was just two days after we purchased it, so we had to eat them fast. Would buy again. We'll both go with seven and a half stars out of ten for Trader Joe's Sourdough Boules.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Shishito Crisps

Okay, this calls for an historical Trader Joe's dried, crispy, snackified veggies recap. The first ones I ever recall seeing were Trader Joe's Contemplates Inner Peas. I liked those pretty well. Sonia and I both enjoyed Trader Joe's Kale Chips. We thought the Broccoli Florets were okay. And I was a fan of the Crispy Crunchy Okra while Sonia was not. Most recently, we looked at the Oven Dried Bell Peppers. Bell peppers are among our favorite veggies in existence but strangely, we were not enamored with the dry version very much.

Enter: Trader Joe's Shishito Crisps. Once again, the ingredients are simple: just the titular veggies, rice bran oil, and salt. While I've heard of shishito peppers, I don't believe I've ever had them, and I'm not familiar with their flavor at all. Hey, there's a first time for everything.

First thoughts? They remind me of zombie fingers. They're brittle, crunchy, salty, and lightly oily. There seem to be three different colors in the bag: green, brown, and yellowish—with the green color being by far the most common. The taste? Maybe somewhere in between a bell pepper and a poblano pepper. I'd say the spice level is in between a bell and poblano as well—that is to say: not very spicy but not completely devoid of spice. After eating a few, there's an interesting residual warmth that's very pleasant.

They're not as flavorful as I was hoping they'd be, but the faint peppery taste combined with the rice bran oil produces enough sapidity to keep me interested. They'd go great with soup. Or a salad. Or soup and salad. I'd say these rank just above the aforementioned dried bell peppers and just below the crunchy okra in the annals of Trader Joe's crispy veggies.

So let's say I give these seven out of ten stars. Sonia is on board for the same. That's a "not bad" score for Trader Joe's Shishito Crisps from both the beautiful wifey and me. Product of Thailand. I think we paid about three bucks for the bag. Wait. Two hundred calories for the whole thing? Shoot. If I could learn to cultivate an eight out of ten star appreciation for this product, I'd drop the pounds like nobody's business.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Brownie Truffle Baking Mix

In today's exciting episode, Nathan takes to the kitchen to bake brownies! What kind of unmitigated disaster will unfold in this misadventure? Click the video below to find out.

Surprisingly, Mr. Rodgers managed to make a decent batch of brownies despite his lack of culinary skills or understanding. Sonia supervised the whole operation like a helicopter parent patrolling a bratty pre-teen at a middle school make out party. 

Good thing, too. Nathan's not good at mixing, stirring, cracking eggs, or following instructions. Come to think of it, he's not good at much other than shoving sweets into his chubby face.

Alright. Enough with the self-deprecation. I get a little punchy when I have to write a few paragraphs to fill up space when the review is entirely contained in the YouTube video. I mean, this is really just placeholder text. I'm simply trying to make it a tad more interesting than your typical lorem ipsum.

Have I succeeded? Well, you've made it this far into this non-review, so I guess so. Thanks for reading this schlock. You should have just clicked the video to begin with. I digress.

Trader Joe's Brownie Truffles are easy to make, they have a nice dark chocolate flavor, and instead of edible fungi like you might have expected, they have robust chocolate chips all through them. We might buy this product again. $3.79 for the mix which produces 16 servings of brownie truffles. Wouldn't they be truffle brownies rather than brownie truffles?

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Organic Couscous

Neither Sonia nor I grew up with couscous at all. I remember they served it in the dining commons at college once in a while. Some of the international students I knew would get moderately excited about it, so I decided to give it a whirl. It's not bad. It's a great substitute for rice or orzo, it has an interesting texture, and it goes great with Mediterranean meals.

Apparently couscous is indigenous to North Africa. It's usually a little buttery and salty, sorta fluffy texture-wise, and is a decent source of protein. The beautiful wifey and I have had pearled couscous several times, including the couscous formerly known as Trader Joe's Israeli Couscous. I prefer pearled, personally. The grains are larger and a tad firmer. We had some recently with one of our Hello Fresh meals that came with the ingredients for a garlic butter sauce. That might have been the best couscous I've ever had.

Sonia prefers the regular kind, and she's particularly enthused that this product is organic. She whipped up a batch in our latest video, posted below. It required only butter, salt, and water. The entire process took less than 10 minutes, and the results were pleasant but mostly unmemorable by my reckoning. Sonia ate some plain while I tried it with a Mediterranean style chicken and garbanzo salad.

$1.79 for 12 oz. Sonia would buy Trader Joe's Organic Couscous again, while I'd seek out the pearled kind before repurchasing this particular item. Six out of ten stars from me. Eight out of ten stars from the beautiful wifey.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Calamari Pieces in Olive Oil

All things considered, Trader Joe's Canned Calamari Pieces in Olive Oil are a better introduction to the magical world of edible squid than Trader Joe's Crispy Battered Calamari, despite what my initial instincts would have told me.

This product is just a tad chewy, but it's head and shoulders above the fried version, texture-wise. Both products have a pretty nice flavor in my opinion, but I think this one might just edge out the competition in terms of taste, as well, despite the crispy battered goodness coating the other product.

The tin contains 2.82 oz of bite-sized squid pieces, sourced off the coast of Spain. They're packed in olive oil and salt, and they're ready for consumption straight out of the can. Apparently the species is known as "jumbo squid" or Humboldt squid. They're much larger than the normal little squids but not as big as the giant ones that can attack submarines and eat unsuspecting swimmers in the open ocean.

I tried them plain and also on a simple arugula salad. Looking forward to trying them with Spanish rice and maybe in a pasta dish. If you've got any other ideas, let us know in the comments.

$3.99 for the single serving can. Would buy again. Eight out of ten stars from me for Trader Joe's Tinned Calamari Pieces in Olive Oil. Sonia will go with seven out of ten.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Squiggly Noodles with a Spicy Garlic Sesame Sauce

Can you believe it's been over a year and a half since we reviewed the original Trader Joe's Squiggly Noodles? Neither can I. The general consensus was that they were nothing to complain about, but also nothing to write home about. On their own, they weren't very exciting, but they made a great base for a larger Asian meal with veggies and/or meats.

Since reviewing the original squiggly noodles, we've also tried numerous flavors of Momofuku brand noodles. They are indeed quite similar, but there were certain flavors that we enjoyed more than others. Sweet & Spicy was among our favorite styles of Momofuku, and likewise, I think ratcheting up the spice level might also help with the overall flavor of Trader Joe's brand. So spicy squigglies have to be a step in the right direction from their predecessors, or so I'd assume.

Packaging-wise, they're very similar. The originals were clad in bright red while these spicy ones come in a black cellophane outer wrapper. Once again, there are four individual packs in the bag and the total price is $4.99. Interestingly enough, the spicy noodles pack a bigger punch in the calorie department, boasting 460 per serving as compared with the original squigglies coming in at 310 per serving. We've also got more sugar, more overall carbs, more protein, and more fat with the spicy version. That's a significant deviation as far as nutrition info is concerned.

And after taking a bite, I can tell you that, yes, the extra calories and carbs do indeed translate to more flavor. It's a much more exciting taste than the original squiggly noodles. It's not super spicy, heat-wise, but it brings a rich garlic soy flavor. It's got a punch for sure, but it's not a mouth-searing chili type spice. It's much more filling than the original and also much more satisfying in my opinion.

These function as a standalone meal much better than the other squiggly noodles from Trader Joe's, but we still added some egg for extra flavor and protein. If you wanted to throw in chicken or beef, bok choy, cabbage, mushrooms, carrots, or spinach, I'm sure any of those would blend seamlessly with the noodles and sauces here.

I gave the original squiggly noodles six out of ten stars and Sonia gave them seven out of ten. She's disappointed that these "spicy" noodles aren't really all that spicy, but she agrees that the overall flavor is a step in the right direction, and she also likes that these are cheaper than the Momofuku brand. She'll give these seven and a half out of ten stars. I'll go with eight out of ten. We would buy Trader Joe's Squiggly Noodles with a Spicy Garlic Sesame Sauce again.

Bottom line: 7.75 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Organic Freezer Pops

Otter Pops, Pop-Ice, Fla-Vor-Ice—whichever brand you grew up with, you know the drill. You get in from the hot summer weather and you start craving a plastic tube filled with high fructose corn syrup and Red 40. You grab some scissors, snip the top, and moments later you've got a sugar buzz and a brain freeze, and it's pure heaven.

This product isn't exactly seasonally appropriate, especially here in the Upper Midwest where we recently got a few inches of snow along with some very cold temperatures. But Trader Joe's sells these things year round, so I guess they expect some weirdos to eat them even when it's fifteen below.

Years ago, we saw some healthy freezer pops from TJ's. They were peach flavored, and we liked them quite a bit. They had little bits of actual peach in them, which was nice. This iteration doesn't have fruit chunks in it, but it's certified organic, it's made of real fruit juice concentrates, and it uses stuff like vegetable juice and turmeric for coloring.

Along those same lines, if you're expecting these to taste just like the aforementioned mainstream popsicles with all the chemicals and dyes, you're probably going to be disappointed. These taste like frozen fruit juices rather than fake stuff that's loaded with added sugar.

The berry flavor is my favorite by a good margin. It just has the best taste overall. I like the cherry limeade quite a bit, too, but it leaves an aftertaste that I'm not a huge fan of. The orange flavor tastes way more tart than I expected it to, but it's tangy and citrusy and is a bit like licking the block of frozen orange juice concentrate straight out of the can before it's mixed with water...not that I would know what that tastes like or anything...

$3.49 for ten pops. Would buy again when temperatures are above freezing. Sonia will give Trader Joe's Organic Freezer Pops eight out of ten stars. I'll go with seven out of ten.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Italian Confetti Almonds

I admit I complain a lot about certain Trader Joe's foods being too hard. It seems like other TJ's customers must have adamantium jaws, because I don't hear a lot of other folks making that same observation. Products like English Toffee, Mango Sticky Rice Crisps, and more than one of their sweet cracker "crisps" come to mind. When I eat those delicious yet overly rigid products, I feel like Trader Joe's has made some kind of sinister deal with the American Dental Association to help them drum up demand for extra crowns and fillings.

These almonds feel like they're coated in glass. Fortunately, it's a delicate sugary glass that melts in your mouth if you suck on it long enough. The candy is an interesting, sweet, vanilla-esque flavor. The almonds are flat and long, apparently by virtue of their status as Avola almonds, a species that's indigenous to Sicily, Italy. "Confetti almonds" are apparently a popular favor given out at Italian weddings.

Sonia loves the candy coating even though she, too, agrees that it's excessively hard. We both agree the flavor of the almonds themselves is very good. I think I'd have preferred to try the Avola almonds without the candy since I'm not familiar with them. The shell is okay in my book, but it detracts from the almonds in both taste and texture in the end. And just in case you're wondering, this product was still many months before its best by date when we consumed it.

$4.49 for the 6 oz resealable bag. Imported from Italy. Kosher. Sonia will give Trader Joe's Italian Confetti Almonds 7.5 out of 10 stars because she loves the flavor. I think the taste is nice, but it's not enough to make me ever want to buy these again in their current format. Unfortunately, comparable bags of plain Avola almonds will run you upwards of twelve bucks. Guess I'll wait until TJ's offers Avolas without the armor. Five out of ten stars from me.

Sonia's score: 7.5 out of 10.

Nathan's score: 5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Cocoa Berry Black Tea Blend

At the time I'm composing this post, the high today will be nearly double digits below zero here in the Upper Midwest. It'll be something like forty degrees warmer by the time this review goes live. So if you're reading these words, that means we likely survived the polar vortex in order to publish this article on the interwebs. Yay.

I'm virtually never in the mood for hot beverages. I'm generally chugging a Red Bull rather than coffee even if we're talking literal freezing temps outside. But when you're looking at early morning weather in the ballpark of minus fifteen...well, then even I might reach for a steaming mug of java, hot chocolate, or in this case tea—what appears to be a very unique tea, just looking at the description on the box anyway.

And unique it is. It's not as indulgent or as rich as the name "cocoa berry" might make it sound. It is, indeed, a tea, so all the flavors are subtle. It smells more like cocoa than it tastes. There's a faint berry essence and an even fainter chocolatey one. It's a tea blend that very much favors the addition of sugar and cream in my humble opinion. Or, like Sonia, you can turn it into a latte.

It's a black tea so it's got some caffeine. There's a mild invigorating quality to the taste. I'd have this for breakfast or a mid-afternoon pick-me-up. It's nothing to write home about, nor is it anything to complain about.

I was just about to say I wouldn't buy it again, but when I looked up the price, I had to reconsider. Two bucks for ten tea bags. The cute little box and fancy presentation make it something that might be nice to have on hand to offer to guests on cold winter days. Seven out of ten stars from me. Eight out of ten stars from Sonia for Trader Joe's Cocoa Berry Black Tea Blend.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Hardywood Joe-Joe's Chocolate Vanilla Creme Stout

Mind you, I'm no expert, but I've had a handful of chocolate stouts and porters in my day, and none really stood out to me in a big way. Can't say this one is much different except for the fancy packaging. I think I've enjoyed coffee and peanut butter porters at least as much as the chocolate ones. Then there was that beer that was both coffee and peanut butter that we found at Trader Joe's a few years back. That post was scribed by my erstwhile Pittsburgh-based colleague, but I can't say I disagree with his sentiments about that particular brew in any case.

Hardywood Joe-Joe's Chocolate Vanilla Creme Stout has a nice rich dark beer flavor with some mild sweetness and chocolate essence. It's a good bit milky, too. As far as anything cookie-esque, you really have to use your imagination. I didn't find the alcohol flavor to be particularly harsh despite a relatively high ABV for beer: 9.2%.

I didn't do the pro bartender pour in the video since I was recording with my other hand, but the beer still managed to fill my pint glass without an excessive head—just a nice layer of light tan on top of the deep dark brown body. No major complaints. The chocolate beer paired well with peanut butter pretzels and yielded a vaguely Reese's-esque flavor combo.

Not sure how we wound up with the moniker "Joe-Joe's" on the can but not the Trader Joe's logo. I imagine the Hardywood boss guy was like, "If we're gonna brew this stuff for you, how many times do you really need your name on the package? You get two instances of 'Joe' and then 'Hardywood' gets top billing, and that's my final offer."

Big Joe liked the product well enough that he shook hands on the deal. We like the brew well enough, too. $3.75 for a single pint or fifteen bucks for a four pack. Seven and a half stars from both Sonia and me for Hardywood Joe-Joe's Chocolate Vanilla Creme Stout.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Milk Chocolate Honeycomb Candy

So...actual honeycomb is perfectly safe to eat and some say delicious, so I was hoping this was, you know, actual honeycomb covered in chocolate. It's not. It's more like that Sponge Candy in terms of texture and maybe like the Honey Toffee Pecans in terms of packaging and beehive-themed allure.

It's a crispy, wafery crystallized sugar kinda situation here. The candies are much harder to bite into than I'd want them to be. Visually, the insides greatly resemble the filling of a Butterfinger bar but a tad more rigid in terms of texture.

Flavor-wise, there's a rich honey essence but also something unexpectedly buttery. I'd say chocolate plays second fiddle to the crunchy honey candy underneath, but it's definitely there, and it's definitely a sweet milk chocolate flavor rather than anything darker with rich, earthy cacao undertones.

I found sucking on the candies for a minute made them much more easy to chew. I really can't stand the texture of toffee for the same reason, but these candies get much more malleable after a spell in your mouth.

$3.99 for the 4.6 oz resealable bag. Product of Thailand. I like the flavor of these unique candies a lot, but I don't know if I'd buy it very often because I don't like dentists. Sonia feels similarly. We'll go with seven and a half out of ten stars each for Trader Joe's Milk Chocolate Covered Honeycomb Candy.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Cassata Baked Ricotta Cheese

As others rave about this product as well as the Baked Lemon Ricotta, I'm starting to think "dessert cheeses" just aren't my thing. I gave them both a whirl and while I'm still intrigued and wanting to love them, I can only muster a "that was neat to try" attitude rather than full-fledged enthusiasm.

As the label says, this one is filled with chocolate chips and candied fruit bits including citrus peels, pumpkin, and pear. The product was neither as sweet nor as creamy as I was wanting it to be. The texture of whey hit my tongue and palate more heavily than anything else when I bit into this cheese.

The fruit bits and chocolate chunks weren't nearly as intrusive as I assumed they'd be texture-wise or flavor-wise. They added a hint of complexity that was both enjoyable and unique. Sonia's glad the chocolate flavor wasn't overbearing, but she still wishes the ricotta itself were more dominant in the overall flavor profile.

Maybe it's because we don't charcuterie like the pros, but we were at a bit of a loss as to how to eat this cheese. We both enjoyed it baked into pancakes and waffles much more than we did when it was room temperature or refrigerated, but it's still not something we'd care to purchase with any kind of regularity.

$4.99 for the 6.35 oz package. It's worth a try for the adventurous eater if it comes back next year. Lots of folks are vastly more passionate about this selection than we are. Let us know your thoughts in the comments. Sonia will give Trader Joe's Cassata Baked Ricotta Cheese seven and a half out of ten stars. I'll go with six and a half.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Olive Tapenade Hummus

This is about the tenth style of hummus we've reviewed from Trader Joe's throughout the years. I won't bore you with a recap of each one. Just head to our blog and type "hummus" into the search bar if you're interested.

I'd say this variety falls squarely in the middle of the pack for me, personally. I like the hummus element. Pretty standard. Whirled chickpeas and tahini for the win.

The tapenade portion of the product is very briny. I mean, yeah, many olives come packed in salt water, so a bit of brininess is to be expected, but this seemed a tad excessive to me. Not a dealbreaker. I like a good bit of sodium in my diet, and if you mix equal parts hummus with tapenade in every bite, you can effectively mitigate the brine factor.

Sonia is a fan of the combo. The saltiness didn't bother her much. She's very much into anything Mediterranean these days. I think it would be ideal with fresh bruschetta, but we enjoyed it with the random types of bread products we had lying around the house—pita, naan, and even just water crackers.

$3.49 in the refrigerated section. Kosher. Sonia would buy it again and I wouldn't stop her unless there were some newfangled hummus that looked more interesting on our next Trader Joe's run. Sonia will throw out seven and a half out of ten stars for Trader Joe's Olive Tapenade Hummus. I'll go with seven out of ten.

Bottom line: 7.25 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Something Spritzy Sparkling Beverages

If you're here to read about the festive version of Something Spritzy, then happy holidays! If you're here at some point in the future to read our thoughts on the original beverage in the blue can, then welcome! Happy Easter or 4th of July or whatever magical time of year you happen to be reading this.

Once again, there's a video review at the bottom of this post with more info than I'll be writing here, but I'll still throw you a bone and drop some bullet points. First, neither beverage is super sweet. Neither one is bursting with flavor. They're both quite subtle. You'll note that they're relatively low in calories, the red can with 80 and the blue can with only 60, respectively.

They both have fruit juices and cane sugar. The blue version is a faint pineapple and orange flavor, with Sonia noting that there's a grapefruit-esque essence and slight aftertaste. The red can tastes like orange to her while I note more cranberry flavor and a faint blend of holiday spices—like Wassail Punch, but not quite as good or as flavorful.

Each can is $1.99. I give Trader Joe's Something Spritzy original and festive editions seven and a half out of ten...and that might be a feel-good holiday-style don't-wanna-be-a-Scrooge kinda score. Sonia gives the red can a generous eight out of ten and the blue can seven and a half.

Bottom line: Something Spritzy Original: 7.5 out of 10.

Bottom line: Something Spritzy Festive: 7.75 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Stars

For a dude who doesn't really like dark chocolate or crispy cookies all that much, I sure eat a lot of dark chocolate and crispy cookies. But shoot, I do it all in the name of intrepid food reviewing.

I try to be objective and informative enough that even if I don't thoroughly enjoy a product, I give you enough info that you can guess whether you'd like it or not.

Click to enlarge

In this case, if you like crispy, crumbly shortbread and dark chocolate, there's absolutely no reason these won't be your favorite Christmas cookies ever. Me? Yeah, they're kinda exactly what I expected.

And I wasn't expecting to be thrilled. But hey, it's the holiday season and we're going to accentuate the positive and all that. These cookies have been an end-of-the-year mainstay at Trader Joe's for many years.

$4.99 for the 16 oz box. Wouldn't buy again, personally, but I totally get it if you're a fan. More dark chocolate stars for you, I say. 

I give Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Stars six and a half out of ten stars. Sonia will go with seven and a half out of ten.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's German Iced Gingerbread Soft Spiced Cookies

These were near the checkout area at Trader Joe's on our last run. "German Iced Gingerbread Soft Spiced Cookies." Awesome. Sounds delicious. And they're soft...it's like a dream come true!

Except by "soft," they mean totally not soft. Like they're the same texture as gingersnaps or run-of-the-mill crispy cookies. I mean, they're not super hard...but they're by no means "soft" and honestly, they're a little on the dry side.

It's too bad because they taste really good. The icing makes them nice and sweet. The ginger flavor is just about perfect—not too strong, not too weak. They go great with coffee. There are actually two individually wrapped "cookies" in the box which helps keep the second one fresher longer. They're quite large. Each pastry is three servings a piece. They're like the same shape as a Pop-Tart but just a bit bigger in every dimension.

I'm not sure we would have purchased them if they hadn't so boldly proclaimed themselves "soft," but in the end, that's really our only complaint. There are just so many cookies of every kind floating around at Trader Joe's and everywhere else this time of year, it takes something extraordinarily special to get top marks on this blog. Unfortunately, we can only recommend these if you don't mind crunchy cookies or if you're looking for a spiced international treat to dunk in your java.

Product of Germany. $3.49 for the six serving box. Might make a decent stocking stuffer or cheap gift. Seven out of ten stars from Sonia and me for Trader Joe's German Iced Gingerbread Cookies.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.