Trader Joe's Almond Flour Tortillas

Trader Joe's Almond Flour Tortillas will run you $3.69 for 6 gluten free, vegan, and kosher tortillas. Of course, Trader Joe's Corn Tortillas are also gluten free, vegan, and kosher, and they're the way to go if you're looking for an old-school experience that's probably more authentic in terms of Mexican cuisine. Watch out for the mold on those corn tortillas, though. They don't last long once they're opened.

We found these almond flour tortillas were quite edible past their best by date. No mold. No additional stiffness, though I must point out that they're somewhat stiff to begin with. I think that's just the nature of the almond flour. There's a slight rigidness to these tortillas that you don't really have with corn tortillas or even wheat flour tortillas. It's a tad off-putting to me.

Sonia didn't seem to mind the texture much. She happily ate them with her salsa de queso. We made a few other things with them after the salsa de queso was gone. They're perfectly adequate for any kind of taco.

Flavor-wise, there might be a hint of nuttiness, but you really wouldn't guess they were made with almonds in a blind taste test. They do approximate the flavor of traditional flour tortillas pretty well. The beautiful wifey is definitely a fan of the flavor here, and when it comes to tortillas, she knows her stuff.

I just can't envision many situations that would call for almond flour tortillas. As mentioned above, if you're avoiding gluten, I'd stick to corn tortillas, but that's just me—and these are significantly more expensive. I suppose some folks might have sensitivities to both wheat gluten and corn. I'll let the beautiful wifey score this one since she's the expert. She gives Trader Joe's Almond Flour Tortillas seven and a half out of ten stars.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Strawberry Brioche Liège Waffles

As you might have guessed, these breakfast treats are comparable to the previous Liege waffle offerings from Trader Joe's in terms of price, size, texture, and packaging. We're looking at $4.99 for six individually-wrapped Belgian waffles. And yes, they are actually imported from Belgium.

The original Brioche Style Liege Waffles are still my favorite just because they're a tad more versatile than these or their maple-flavored counterparts. We weren't able to get our hands on the pumpkin spice variety last fall, but we'll make another attempt come September, provided they return again this year.

These Liege waffles do have tiny specks of strawberry throughout their bready Belgian brioche-style bodies. It's actually "apple strawberry pieces," whatever those are. There's also some strawberry puree in the mix. And yes, many of you know exactly what's coming: a complaint. They still don't taste enough like strawberry.

I want strawberry chunks in the next one. I want just a whisper of bread with my strawberry puree. I want big berry boldness. I want the berry flavor to knock my socks off. And that's not what this does. It just whispers "strawberry" softly...like a distant melody on the wind...being played by a middle school band...in the next town over.

Maybe I exaggerate. It'll be strawberryish enough for many folks. It's certainly strawberryish enough when paired with Trader Joe's Whipped Strawberry Cream Cheese Spread (review upcoming) although that product isn't exactly strawberry overload just on its own, either. But hey, in terms of convenience and value, we've got another winner on our hands.

Sonia and I would both purchase Trader Joe's Brioche Style Strawberry Liege Waffles again. Like their predecessors, they're perfectly edible straight out of the wrappers, but they shine even more when toasted and topped with butter and/or strawberry cream cheese. Eight out of ten stars from the beautiful wifey. Seven and a half out of ten stars from yours truly.

Bottom line: 7.75 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Corn Tortillas

Corn, water, and lime. That's it. Those are the ingredients in Trader Joe's 100% Corn Tortillas. That's this product's biggest strength and its biggest weakness.

What do I mean by that? Well, I love seeing a short ingredients list. It means there's nothing unhealthy or weird going on. Products like that usually taste clean, fresh, and pure. This product is no different. These tortillas have a great corn flavor and a great texture...provided you eat them pretty fast.

We ate a few of these tortillas shortly after getting them home from our latest Trader Joe's run. Sonia's a pro at microwaving tortillas for a few seconds between layers of damp paper towels and serving them with her Mexican meals. We had some turkey tacos with these little maize mats, black beans, shredded cheese, lettuce, and sour cream, and they were perfectly delicious.

We stored the remainder all zipped up in our cool, dry pantry. We opened them back up exactly on the best by date printed on the bag less than a week later to eat with our salsa de queso, and there was already visible greenish mold on more than half of the remaining tortillas. Even the ones untainted by mold had a stiff, nearly inedible texture by that point. We were able to resuscitate just two of them by heating them up for a spell, and even then, they weren't half as good as the ones we ate straightaway. Hear more of our thoughts by watching our video review on YouTube.

We checked online to see if others noticed how quickly this product spoils, and yes, there are plenty of other people saying the same thing. This is a decent product, but don't wait to eat them and don't trust the "best by" that's printed on them. Plus, you can get more bang for your buck buying a 30 pack of Guerrero or La Banderita, which are both good as well, for less than a dollar more than this product.

$1.69 for 12 tortillas. Gluten free. Vegan. Kosher. Found near the other breads, pitas, and flatbreads. Would buy again but only to eat basically on the same day we purchase them. Seven out of ten stars from Sonia and me for Trader Joe's 100% Corn Tortillas.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Garlic Butter Nut Mix

Following in the fine tradition of Trader Joe's other great nut mixes in cans like Nuts About Elote, Nuts About Rosemary, and Trader Joe's Maple Spiced Nut Mix, here we have Trader Joe's Nuts About Garlic...er, Trader Joe's Garlic Butter Nut Mix. It's the same standard packaging. Same price: $6.99.

This one features "crunchy coated cashews." They're cashews...but they're extra crunchy and brittle. I kinda like the soft creaminess of cashews and I kinda miss it here, to be honest. The crunchy thing works for other nuts, but super dry, crunchy cashews is a bit weird to me.

There are way too many "bread chips" in this mix, too. Seems like a way to cheap-out a bit to put a bunch of crunchy, crusty wheat crisps in a premium nut mix. Sonia seemed to be more fond of them than I was, however. She calls them "Lego breads" meaning they're just about the right size for a Lego minifig. So true.

The almonds are fine. The pecans are fine, as well, but in our can at least, they're tragically underrepresented. The garlic butter essence is fairly evenly distributed across all of the elements.

The overall flavor is salty and savory like you might expect. It's buttery, sure. There's a "butter and garlic seasoning" mentioned on the ingredients, but it's not half as garlicky as I would have liked. They could ratchet that garlic flavor way up. After all, Trader Joe is shining the spotlight on garlic in the title of the product.

That said, it's a very decent flavor overall. I've got plenty of complaints and suggestions, but I'll easily plow through the can with a bit of help from the beautiful wifey. It's really not a bad taste nor a bad value. Kosher. Seven bucks for a can of nuts this size is pretty standard these days. I'd even consider buying it again. I just really wish there were more garlic. Sonia agrees.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Strawberry Mini Sheet Cake

We haven't tried the Yellow Mini Sheet Cake with Chocolate Buttercream yet. Nor have we managed to get our hands on the Cookies n' Cream Mini Sheet Cake. But we have reviewed the following:

Trader Joe's Chantilly Cream Vanilla Bean Mini Sheet Cake

Trader Joe's Pumpkin Spice Mini Sheet Cake

Trader Joe's Lemon Mini Sheet Cake

Trader Joe's Toasted Coconut Mini Sheet Cake

They're all more or less the same in terms of texture. Each one flaunts moist-ish cake topped with thick, luscious buttercream or cream cheese frosting. In every case—at least in my humble opinion—the frosting has outshined the cake itself by a good margin. Some flavors are slightly better than others.

My main complaint about most of these offerings is that they don't have enough of the headlined flavor, particularly the lemon one wasn't over-the-top lemony, as I'd have preferred it to be. And that was our main gripe about the coconut one, too. If I'm buying a coconut dessert, I want it to be absolutely bursting with real coconut flavor and real coconut pieces.

It seems we've found ourselves in the same situation here with Trader Joe's Strawberry Mini Sheet Cake. There's simply not enough strawberry flavor in the dessert. The cake is fine, though I'd still argue it's nothing to write home about. The frosting is pretty delicious and indulgent, but still...not enough strawberry to make it truly memorable and set this treat head and shoulders above any other grocery store's bakery fare—let alone stuff from a dedicated bakery.

If they wanted to make this one super special, they could have included larger strawberry chunks, freeze dried strawberry pieces all through the frosting, or an actual cache of strawberry jam or jelly or filling right in the cake. I see "strawberry preserves" in the ingredients, but it just doesn't come through in the final flavor as much as I'd like it to. You can even tell in the picture, there are only one or two minuscule flecks of red and pink actual strawberry in that whole piece of cake. To be sure, it tastes like strawberry, but it tastes more like wheaty cake and sweet cream cheese.

In the end, it's nothing to complain about really. It's a perfectly delicious, creamy, decadent dessert, but I'd probably reach for some traditional strawberry shortcake over this offering if given the choice. Seven out of ten stars from me on Trader Joe's Strawberry Mini Sheet Cake. Seven and a half stars from the beautiful wifey. Six bucks for the 18 oz cake, found with the baked goods.

Bottom line: 7.25 out of 10.

Trader Giotto's Italian Tomato Pasta Sauce Trio

Ten bucks gets you three tomato-based pasta sauces imported from Italy. Trader Giotto's Italian Tomato Pasta Sauce Trio is a limited-time release made with Pugliese tomatoes, and it features 1) a puttanesca sauce with olives, capers, and anchovies 2) a datterino cherry tomato sauce and 3) a tomato and roasted vegetable pasta sauce. Both Sonia and I liked the puttanesca sauce best, but we'll break down our observations of all three tomatoey toppings.

So...puttanesca is a funny word. The first part of it is quite similar to a not-so-nice word in Spanish that Sonia and I are familiar with, but the root word is also used in Italian. Apparently, the sauce is, in fact, referring to a style of cooking associated with women of ill repute. There are many theories floating about that attempt to explain the sauce's origins and its scandalous name, but both the beautiful wifey and I found it to have the most pleasant and interesting texture and flavor.

It's the heartiest of the three if only by virtue of the chunks of veggies floating through the mixture. There are plenty of green Chalkidiki olive slices and Kalamata olive slices, along with tiny bits of anchovies. I didn't notice any capers in our jar, but they are listed in the ingredients. The flavor is very salty and pungent. Like the other two, it's got plenty of tomato flavor, but it's the richest, earthiest, most complex flavor by a good margin.

Next up, we've got a sauce that's highlighting a particular species of cherry tomato known as the datterino. I thought for sure the beautiful wifey would enjoy this one the best since she's an outspoken tomatophile. I felt like this had the most pure, bright tomato flavor of the three sauces, but since I'm not really a fan of raw tomato, I didn't really gravitate towards it. Surprisingly this is also Sonia's least favorite of the trio, citing a one-dimensional flavor profile as its weakness. "It feels too plain," she stated. I don't disagree.

Finally, the Italian Tomato and Roasted Vegetable Pasta Sauce. This one actually tasted like roasted veggies and had a nice garlicky essence underneath everything. The zucchini, eggplant, and peppers definitely added to the flavor and the texture of the sauce, though we both think it could have benefited by doubling or tripling the amount. For both of us, this was the second best sauce in the pack.

None of the sauces were particularly thick in terms of the density of the liquid, but each had a nice natural tomato flavor and an authentic Italian spice blend. We'd pick this product up again just for the variety and the value. $3.33 per jar is a decent price point for a true European import and the presentation is nice. It'd make a decent gift. Let's get to our final scores for Trader Joe's Italian Tomato Pasta Sauce Trio.

Trader Giotto's Tomato Puttanesca Sauce with Olives, Anchovies & Capers: 7.75 out of 10.

Trader Giotto's Italian Datterino Cherry Tomato & Roasted Garlic Pasta Sauce: 7 out of 10.

Trader Giotto's Italian Tomato & Roasted Vegetable Pasta Sauce: 7.25 out of 10.

Trader Joe's PB&J Oat Bites and Trader Joe's Raspberry Oat Bites

So a brand called Bobo's makes little oat bites very similar to these, and for some reason both Sonia and I remembered Bobo's being bigger, but apparently they're the same size. We must have been thinking of Bobo's Oat Bars. At any rate, these whole grain oat-based bites from Trader Joe's are about the size of a golf ball and they come in two different flavors: PB&J and raspberry.

Weirdly, the raspberry one had a nicer texture than the PB&J version. It was a tad softer. While the PB&J one does indeed show peanut butter in the ingredients, there is no actual cache of peanut butter in the center of the oat bite. It appears the peanut butter is commingled with the rolled oats throughout the tiny snack. There is, however, a dollop of fruit filling in the center of both flavors. It's strawberry jelly in the PB&J kind. Both Sonia and I think it would have been stronger with a glob of peanut butter in the center along with the fruity jam.

Furthermore, the raspberry filling tasted better than the strawberry filling to both of us. It reminded me of the raspberry dip that comes with Trader Joe's PB&J Snack Duo. The flavor of the raspberry confection "popped" a lot more than its strawberry counterpart.

Sonia, ever the culinary visionary, immediately suggested crumbling these little oat orbs over a bowl of Greek yogurt, which honestly might be their highest calling. As is, they straddle that line between snack and dessert, but broken up into something creamy and tangy? Now we’re talking about unlocking their full potential. I could totally see them moonlighting as a lazy man’s parfait situation: minimal effort, maximum perceived sophistication.

At the end of the day, they’re a decent grab if you’re already cruising the aisles and feeling oat-curious, but they don’t quite ascend into must-have territory. The raspberry ones flirt with greatness, the PB&J ones just kind of linger in the background. Not a bad snack by any stretch—just one that leaves you thinking about how it could’ve been a little bolder, a little gooier, a little more memorable.

$3.99 for six little oat bites. Would probably buy the raspberry version again. The PB&J one isn't awful by any means, but Sonia and I both preferred the razzle dazzle—and I'm a huge fan of peanut butter. We both give seven and a half stars to Trader Joe's Raspberry Oat Bites. I give Trader Joe's PB&J Oat Bites six and a half stars and the beautiful wifey will go a half star lower.

Trader Joe's Raspberry Oat Bites: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's PB&J Oat Bites: 6.25 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Korean Bugak Sticky Rice and Seaweed Crisps

Never had bugak before. Apparently, it's pretty popular in Korea. Speaking of Korea, this product is a bona fide South Korean import. $3.29 gets you 1.76 oz of the crispy, crunchy snack in a non-resealable bag.

We lost our minds over the fact the bag wasn't resealable. Fortunately, Trader Joe's Sticky Rice & Seaweed Crisps didn't last long enough to get stale. I really enjoyed them and the beautiful wifey admitted they grew on her by the end of the bag.

The product is sweeter than you might expect. Sticky rice can be sweet, so I'm not sure why we were so surprised about the sweetness. I mean, it's not candy sweet by any means, but it's sweeter than most other seaweed snacks we've tried. See: Trader Joe's Spicy Tempura Seaweed Snack and Trader Joe's Wasabi Roasted Seaweed Snack, among others.

You can also taste sesame seeds, onion powder, and the titular seaweed, though no single flavor dominates. There's a really great umami essence to these snacks. The bag suggests using them as scoops for tuna, so we whipped up some tuna salad and did just that. The pairing was absolutely perfect. You can also add them to rice bowls. Sonia wanted to toss them in soup. And they're perfectly snackable right out of the bag.

As nice as the flavor is, the texture is even better. It's so perfectly crunchable and crisp, yet not hard at all. It's got a very satisfying consistency.

I'd definitely buy it again, and I think Sonia would be on board for a repurchase as well. I'm gonna throw out eight out of ten stars on Trader Joe's Korean Bugak Sticky Rice and Seaweed Crisps with Sesame Seeds and Sea Salt, but I will say that I doubt the average American palate will appreciate this quite as much as I do. If you know you enjoy seaweed, then give it a whirl. The beautiful wifey is down for seven and a half stars.

Bottom line: 7.75 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Spicy Spuds

$4.49 gets you 20 oz of frozen taters imported from France. Nothing says French cuisine like spicy potatoes, amirite? At any rate, they're pretty good. Salty, savory, and spicy, they're decent as a standalone side, or you can toss 'em into stuff like taco bowls.

That's what we did. Along with bison, avocado, cheese, and Trader Joe's Corn & Chile Tomato-Less Salsa, these potent potatoes served as the main heat source for our Tex-Mex inspired taco bowls. They're crispy on the outside, fluffy and tender on the inside, and they're perfectly bite-sized.

You can taste the spicy stuff like cayenne pepper and paprika, but it's all balanced out with parmesan cheese, lime, and onion—along with the natural flavor of potato, as well. Like I mentioned above, they're perfectly satisfying on their own. If you're vegetarian or doing Meatless Monday or something like that, these would make a great filling for potato tacos. Just add some greens, cheese, and salsa to tortillas and you'd be in business.

Breakfast hash? Done. Tateriffic nachos? Absolutely. Toss ‘em alongside some scrambled eggs and you've got a hearty breakfast for the whole family. They crisp up beautifully in the oven or air fryer, and unlike some frozen potato situations, they don’t go from golden to sad in a blink.

If I had one nitpick—and you know I always do—it’s that the spice level plays things a bit safe. There’s flavor, no doubt, but heat-seekers might find themselves reaching for a backup plan in the form of hot sauce or chili flakes. Not a dealbreaker by any stretch, just something to note if you were expecting these to melt your face off like a dare gone wrong. Still, for a freezer aisle find, they punch above their weight class and they're the perfect timesaver if you're meal prepping and need some fried potatoes that are already seasoned and ready to go.

In the end, I'll give Trader Joe's Spicy Spuds seven and a half out of ten stars. The beautiful wifey will throw out eight out of ten. We'd both buy this again. May the Fourth be with you and happy Cinco de Mayo!

Bottom line: 7.75 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Ink & Thistle 12 Year Highland Single Malt Scotch Whisky

Imported from the Scottish Highlands, where some of my ancestors lived many generations ago, this 12 year old single malt Scotch will run you about $35 at Trader Joe's. They also released an 18 year old Scotch by the same name—Ink & Thistle—around the same time this product appeared on shelves, though I'm a bit foggy as to whether they're both supplied by the same distillery. This product was bottled by Hamish Robertson & Co.

Wish I could say I'm familiar with that name. I'm not really a whisky guy when it comes right down to it, but I still like to see what's out there without shelling out too much coin. I feel like eventually I'll find something that's truly transcendent...or at least worthy of a repurchase.

So what does this stuff actually taste like? I’ll do my best impression of someone who owns a Glencairn glass and uses phrases like “peat levels” unironically. It’s pretty approachable overall—some light honey and vanilla vibes, a little caramel, maybe a hint of fruit if you go looking for it. Nothing too aggressive, nothing too weird. It tastes like it’s trying to be a good introduction to Scotch without scaring anyone off.

You also get a bit of that classic Highland thing going on: slightly floral, a touch earthy, and just the faintest suggestion of smoke, like a campfire that already went out and now you’re just smelling someone’s jacket the next day. The finish is smooth enough, a little sweet, maybe a tiny bit of spice, and then it politely exits without making a big scene.

Sonia and I both give Trader Joe's Ink & Thistle 12 Year Single Malt Scotch Whisky seven and a half out of ten. It’s not completely blowing my mind, but it also doesn’t make me regret my life choices. For ~$35, it’s a solid way to dip your toe into Scotch without committing to a whole personality change. Also, I have no idea if it's still available anymore. This bottle'd been sitting in our whisky cellar (read: basement) for some time until this past weekend. Thanks for reading.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Meyer Lemon & Cream Yogurt

Trader Joe’s Meyer Lemon & Cream Yogurt sounds like it should taste like sunshine in a cup: bright, creamy, maybe a little indulgent. Instead, it's tart yogurt paired with sour lemon. Sure, there's a good bit of sugar in it, but I didn't feel like it showed up in the flavor profile.

Look, I love lemon. Lemon bars? Elite. Lemon curd? Dangerous. Lemon cake? I'm there. Lemon in snacks and desserts is usually a cheat code for deliciousness. But this yogurt forgets one crucial thing: balance. Yogurt is already tangy. Lemon is aggressively tangy. Put them together without enough sweetness to rein things in, and you’ve got a bit of a tartness overload.

The texture, to be fair, is perfectly fine—creamy, smooth, no weird chalkiness or separation. Structurally sound yogurt. For me, this lands squarely in the “I’ll finish it because I bought it” category, not the “I need six more immediately” tier. Not offensive, just not the lemony dream I was hoping for. It's like it wants to be lemon meringue, but it's simply not sweet enough to be considered a treat. I know, yogurt is supposed to be healthy. But I've had plenty of flavors of yogurt with less added sugar that tasted much better than this offering. Just off the top of my head, Trader Joe's Honey Crisp Apple Cinnamon Greek Yogurt would fall into that class.

Now Sonia, clearly the more optimistic member of this household, came in with a completely different vibe. She liked the lemon and cream combo, saying it struck a nice balance (we may need to recalibrate our taste buds). She did make a strong point: this would probably shine even more as a Greek yogurt, where the natural tartness would actually complement the lemon instead of competing with it.

She also had some genuinely great upgrade ideas: throw in diced walnuts or crushed gluten-free graham crackers and suddenly you’ve got a legit dessert situation. Or use it as a base for chia pudding or overnight oats—honestly, that’s a power move. Yes, it’s lower in protein than Greek yogurt, but that’s fixable with a scoop of protein powder if that's your thing.

If you like your yogurt very lemon-forward and don’t mind a heavy dose of tang, this might be more your speed than it was for me. If you’re expecting a creamy, sweet, lemon-dessert vibe…proceed with caution. $2.99 for four cups. Kosher. Sonia would buy again, while I would not.

Sonia's score: 7.5 out of 10.

Nathan's score: 6 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Blonde Bar

Trader Joe’s knows exactly what they're doing by parking the Blonde Bar right in the checkout lane where your willpower is already halfway out the door. Priced at $2.69, this Italian import practically whispers “You deserve a little treat,” and into the cart it goes.

Marketed as “caramel flavored white chocolate,” the Blonde Bar immediately raises expectations for creamy decadence. Instead, it delivers a bit of an identity crisis. It looks like white chocolate’s tan cousin, but flavor-wise it’s basically caramel doing a convincing chocolate impression. If you’re a white chocolate fan hoping for that buttery vanilla sweetness, you may find yourself squinting and asking, “Wait, where did the white chocolate go?”

Texture-wise, the bar snaps like standard chocolate, smooth and firm, then melts into a sweet caramel-forward flavor that’s pleasant but not exactly mindblowing. There’s no actual caramel inside, yet it somehow tastes like someone condensed caramel into chocolate form. It’s clever, but also a little confusing.

The cookie crumbles promise extra excitement, but they show up more like background extras than featured performers. They’re small, sparse, and deliver only a faint crunch. They're just enough to tease you into wanting more. If those crumbs were bigger and more plentiful, this bar might have gone from “nice” to “now we’re talking.”

Overall, Trader Joe's Blonde Bar is undeniably sweet and perfectly snackable, especially when you’re already in checkout mode and feeling impulsive. There’s nothing here to complain about: no weird aftertaste, no major texture issues, no regrets. But it also doesn’t quite stick in your memory once the wrapper’s gone. 

It was easy enough for us to finish the bar, but we won't exactly be dreaming about a repurchase. I’m throwing out a respectable seven out of ten, while Sonia will go slightly higher with a seven and a half. Not a must-buy in our opinions, but if it hops into your cart, you won’t be mad about it.

Bottom line: 7.25 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Onion Flowers

Finally, you can get a Bloomin' Onion from somewhere other than Outback. Trader Joe’s has decided to take a stab at this classic appetizer with their new Onion Flowers. Imported all the way from Thailand, these frozen apps aim for those same crispy petals, but the results are kind of a mixed bag. At $5.49 for a box of two, the price point is definitely more affordable than any sit-down restaurant bill. Sonia and I gave these a spin using both the air fryer and the oven to see if they could live up to the hype.

The actual flavor of these onions is fantastic, featuring pristine, sweet white onions wrapped in a light, tempura-esque batter that happens to be entirely vegan. However, the execution leaves a little to be desired. No matter how we baked it or fried it, the middle just would not cooperate. We tried the air fryer for one and the oven for the other, and both times the center remained stubbornly underdone and raw-ish. The batter also felt a bit stingy, especially near the core, and the final presentation fell quite short of the bar set by the restaurant version. If you're looking to impress guests, these might look more like wilted weeds than blooming flowers.

Trader Joe’s also committed the ultimate appetizer sin by failing to include a dipping sauce, despite showing one on the cover art. To save the day, I whipped up a custom recipe modified from something I got on ChatGPT, that honestly carried the whole experience:

Of course, I had to shrink the measurements down a good bit since I was only making enough for two people. Also note that if you don't have those exact ingredients, Google Gemini or ChatGPT will gladly help you alter the recipe based on what you do have on hand at the moment. AI may be coming for all of our jobs, and maybe eventually our souls, but I'll be darned if they aren't helpful in the kitchen. This sauce was delicious, creamy, and spicy and it worked perfectly with the sweet onion petals.

In the end, these aren't going to replace the theatricality of a freshly fried restaurant appetizer, and they definitely lack the structural integrity of their famous ancestor, but they're a solid choice for onion fiends like us who don't mind a little rustic presentation and a slightly mushy center, making them a fun, flavorful snack for a casual night in. Sonia and I are both in agreement on the final score, giving the Trader Joe’s Onion Flowers seven and a half stars. They're worth a try for the flavor alone, provided you have the right sauce to back them up.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's 1000 Day Gouda Cheese

Trader Joe’s 1000 Day Gouda Cheese practically screams “build a charcuterie board around me,” and that’s exactly what we did. At $13 per pound, our wedge came out to $6.24. Not cheap, but still very reasonable for a cheese aged nearly three years and imported from the Netherlands. Right away, this gouda delivers on its promise: it’s unmistakably caramel-sweet with a deep, nutty richness that makes it feel more like a special occasion cheese than an everyday slice. The texture is firm, waxy, and crumbly, with neat crunchy granules scattered throughout. Just a heads-up: don’t eat the rind. It’s tough and not meant to be part of the experience.

We featured this on a simple charcuterie board in our video review, and it paired beautifully with several items. Walnuts were a standout, adding earthy crunch that complemented the caramel sweetness perfectly. Turkey salami also worked really well, bringing a savory contrast without overpowering the cheese. My favorite pairing, though, was Trader Joe’s Original Savory Thin Crackers made with rice. The light, crisp texture let the gouda shine and made each bite super balanced.

Sonia enjoyed pairing it with fruit like raspberries and dates, which leaned even further into the sweet side. That combo didn’t quite do it for me, but taste is subjective. Green olives were interesting. I didn’t love them in the same bite as the gouda, but alternating between the salty olives and the sweet cheese actually worked really well.

Overall, this is a flavorful, unique aged gouda that’s perfect for entertaining or elevating a snack spread. Sonia gives Trader Joe’s 1000 Day Gouda eight out of ten stars. I guess I'll go with seven and a half. If you enjoy sweet, nutty, crystal-laden cheeses, this one is worth trying, especially as the star of a simple charcuterie board.

Bottom line: 7.75 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Crew Member Cologne Collection

If you're anything like me, you find the olfactory landscape of a Trader Joe's to be comforting, soothing...transcendent even. And today's your lucky day. Forget all that fancy stuff with vanilla notes and jasmine. TJ’s has launched its debut fragrance line: the Crew Member Collection.

This isn't just perfume. It's a sensory activation. There are three signature scents, and yes, they come packaged in miniature, wax-coated cardboard boxes. Each one retails for only $9.99 and comes with a certificate of authenticity printed with its unique batch number.

Here’s my honest review:

1. Frozen Aisle & Cedar (the blue box) This one smells like existential dread and fresh produce. It opens with an aggressive burst of crisp, cold ozone—like when you reach into the display freezer to grab some hashbrowns—and mellows into a surprisingly grounded scent of damp cardboard. It smells exactly like the back stockroom on delivery day. Bottom line: 9 out of 10. (If you like smelling like crisp efficiency).

2. Aisle 4 Eucalyptus & Spice (the green box) This scent is a rollercoaster. The top note is undeniable: a chaotic blend of Everything But the Bagel Seasoning, chai, and cedarwood. It’s warm, garlic-heavy, and slightly abrasive. It dries down to a faint hint of eucalyptus that I’m convinced Sonia sprayed by the registers to keep the line calm. Bottom line: 7 out of 10. (You will smell savory).

3. Eau de Hibiscus Tote (the pink box) This is the breakout star. It smells like sweet, tart hibiscus but with a complex "aged cotton" finish. They captured the exact scent of a canvas tote bag that has been sitting in a hot trunk for two weeks. It's nostalgic, slightly fruity, and very aggressively branded. Bottom line: 10 out of 10. (Sonia stole my bottle immediately).

All three fragrances are unisex and cruelty free. The ingredients lists are...fascinating. Sonia would definitely pick up the hibiscus flavor or the frozen aisle one for a repeat buy. We're still on the fence about Aisle 4. Apparently, they used actual spiced chai oil, and I do have to warn you: these colognes do not wash off. You are a crew member now. Forever. Happy shopping!

Trader Joe's Marshmallow Eggs

So these are basically Trader Joe's take on the timeless classic: Peeps. In the words of the most fanatical adult Peeps fan I know, they're "a better alternative to Peeps" with "all natural coloring." Indeed, Trader Joe's Marshmallow Eggs are colored with vegetable juice, turmeric, and spirulina. All of the ingredients seem to be above board, with the possible exception of carrageenan. But hey, a little seaweed-based emulsifier probably won't kill anybody. I'd prefer that over pork gelatin, which is what you'll find in original Peeps.

 

The marshmallow is nice and soft. There's a faint crunchiness on the outside thanks to the thin coating of fine crystallized sugar granules. These do contain pea protein, but fear not. They don't taste like pea protein. If I can taste pea protein, I'll nope out pretty fast. But these are good.

There's a creamy vanilla sweetness and an almost caramel-esque richness to them. They're very soft and fluffy, texture-wise, and they're quite satisfying. Still, in the same way I don't really crave Peeps these days, I probably wouldn't purchase this product outside of a once-a-year Easter novelty, and in reality it'll most likely be even more infrequent than that.

They come in a few different pastel colors like pink, purple, and green, but our TJ's store only had yellow Marshmallow Eggs. We picked up two packs because why the heck not? I would think the lack of gelatin would render this product as vegan, but it's not marked as such. Not sure why.

At $1.49 for three, they're worth picking up at least once to toss into Junior's Easter basket just to see how he likes them. You can always go back to the name brand if he's not into 'em. Sonia and I will polish off our two packs easily enough. We both give Trader Joe's Marshmallow Eggs seven and a half out of ten stars.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.