Trader Joe's Stollen Crisps

Since I haven't spotted any other beloved German holiday treats such as Lebkuchen or Pfeffernüsse at my local Trader Joe's lately, today we're looking at the Stollen Crisps, which were available last year but eluded our sights in terms of a review.

Always busy this time of year trying to get around to all the seasonal products TJ's has to offer and we never manage to cover everything. But isn't that how life in general goes around the holidays? So much to do and a few things inevitably slip through the cracks. I don't know how you folks with big families do it. Anyhoo, let's get started with the review before we're staring down the barrel of 500 words for a simple looksee at what is essentially a box of fancy crackers.

My biggest problem with this line of "crisps" from TJ's is never the taste.

See: Trader Joe's Strawberry Jalapeño Crisps

Trader Joe's Pumpkin Cranberry Crisps

and Trader Joe's Fig & Olive Crisps.

They've always been unique and interesting flavors. My problem is the texture—they tend to be overly hard, to the point that they hurt my teeth after just a few bites. This problem can be mitigated by soft spreads, cheeses, and/or dips. Let's see if the stollen are any different.

Honestly, this product seems slightly less rigid than the previous selections mentioned above. Is it just my imagination? Have my teeth been strengthened by that enamel repair toothpaste I've been using? Your guess is as good as mine. They're still crunchy and crispy to a fault, but not quite as extreme by my reckoning.

There's a lovely grape and citrus smell that wafts from the bag after opening. They taste like fruitcake dusted with powdered sugar—like orange and lemon zest underneath raisins and sweet buttermilk bread. It's a very nice flavor indeed. There's a surprising amount of fruit in the crackers. Each piece contains at least four or five cross sections of raisin. That might be one of the reasons this offering seems a tad softer than its predecessors.

They recommend eating these with Brie or Gouda but I'm not really a highbrow cheese guy. If we had some kind of chevre on hand, I'd grab that, but unfortunately it's going to be Philadelphia to the rescue once again. But hey, it works. It's a delicious combination in my humble opinion.

The citrus element really makes this product memorable. Some might say it's too sweet with visible amounts of sugar on the crisps, but hey, it's the holiday season and it's time to celebrate.

$4.29 for the box. Product of Canada. There's something delightfully festive and Christmassy about this item, and I'd definitely buy it again. Sonia and I will go with 8 out of 10 stars for Trader Joe's Stollen Crisps.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Belgian Cookie Trio

Shoot, is it already time for Christmas cookies again? I guess you could have these at Thanksgiving, too. You're gonna need some dessert after that Turkey Day dinner.

This product was around last year, and it's back again for 2024. This rectangular box will run you about six bucks and it has two individually wrapped cookie trays. 

You get three types of authentic Belgian cookies: almond butter thins in milk chocolate, waffle cookies dipped in dark chocolate, and butter biscuits in dark chocolate.

They're crispy. Crunchy. Sweet. But not too sweet. 

I like the milk chocolate kind better than the dark chocolate ones. The almonds are a nice touch. Those cookies are nice and buttery. I like the texture of the waffle cookies a lot.

I wish the package were resealable somehow. Still pretty tasty, festive, and fun. Might buy again. Product of Belgium. I give Trader Joe's Belgian Cookie Trio seven out of ten stars. Sonia gives them seven and a half out of ten.

Check out our short video to see these cookies in action. There's no talking in this one. It's just beautiful chocolate-covered Belgian desserts and smooth jazz.

Have a great weekend. 

Bottom line: 7.25 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Milk Chocolate Bar with Corn Flakes

So apparently this is Trader Joe's store brand take on Ritter Sport Knusperflakes. The original is milk chocolate with corn cereal inside just like this candy bar, except Ritter Sport is a German chocolatier while this product hails from Belgium.

Long ago, seemingly in another lifetime, it was posited that the authors of this blog were merely Belgian world domination puppets. That legacy lives on with this chunk of chocolate. Not only is it fairly tasty and unique and will get our seal of approval and recommendation, but it's also packaged attractively and priced fairly at $2.99.

Isn't three bucks a little steep for a chocolate bar, you ask? Not really. Especially when you consider this is over six ounces of chocolate that came from half way around the world. Have you purchased any individual candy bars lately? I know I haven't outside of Trader Joe's. Those things are like a buck fifty and you get a third the amount of chocolate that's in this Belgian bad boy.

Still, candy isn't really my thing anymore and I'm far from a chocoholic so I can't see myself buying this regularly. But as chocolate goes, it gets a solid thumbs up from the beautiful wifey and me. Seven and a half stars out of ten on Trader Joe's Milk Chocolate Bar with Corn Flakes.

We did yet another video. This one features me rambling on for a whopping 58 seconds. Subscribe for a chance to win even more microdoses of my majestic mug and charming charisma. It's free!

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Chile Crackers

Aside from some aesthetically-pleasing packaging and the fact that I generally enjoy spicy foods, these crackers don't seem particularly alluring to me. They're being prominently displayed at TJ's stores and on traderjoes.com right now, but I'm still a bit skeptical. Can a cracker flaunt a nice crunchy texture while simultaneously delivering wheaty goodness and peppery heat?

Meh. Sorta. They're oddly dense. They're not like super light wafery crackers. They remind me a bit of the recently-reviewed Savory Squares in terms of density and overall texture, but those were made with tapioca and almond flour primarily and these are wheat-based.

Upon first bite, they don't seem very spicy. I must admit the pepper builds up on the tongue after munching on a full cracker or two but I wouldn't have minded a good bit more chile pepper flavor. 

There's also tomato powder listed in the ingredients, but I wouldn't say they taste tomatoey either. It's just a dull, dry, salty wheat flavor with a modest amount of heat.

My favorite Trader Joe's brand crackers in recent memory are definitely the Green Olive Flats, which provided us with a pleasant surprise. Despite both Sonia and I loving spicy, peppery foods, I don't know if we'd pick these up again. 

I love the concept here but I don't love the execution. I guess you could say I have a love-hate relationship with these crackers.

$2.99 for the 5 ounce box. Product of the United Kingdom. Sonia gives Trader Joe's Chile Crackers seven out of ten stars. I guess that's about right.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Tarte au Brie et aux Tomates

This classic thin crust "tarte" begs comparison to another longstanding Trader Joe's mainstay: Trader Giotto's Pizza Margherita. Both have thin crusts, though the one on this offering might be even thinner than the margherita's. Both are fairly stripped down and simple in terms of presentation and toppings, and both are sourced internationally, this one from France and the margherita from Italy.

Cheese-wise, we've got Brie and creme fraiche on this product, which combine for a unique, rich, and creamy quality. I'm not even that big a fan of Brie, and I'm quite sensitive to all moldy cheeses thanks to some odd allergies, but this combo didn't bother me at all in terms of a reaction, and it did provide the dish with a very interesting gourmet essence.

Instead of marinara sauce, we're looking at flattened cherry tomatoes. Again, I'm not fond of tomatoes in their purest form, but since they emerge from the oven fully cooked, I was willing to give them a chance. We were both happy with their flavor. 

The main problem that Sonia and I both perceived is that tomato sauce can be spread quite evenly over an entire pizza whereas actual tomatoes are less consistent. That is, one bite will contain an entire cherry tomato and the next bite might not have any tomato at all. Sonia, in particular, wanted a lot more tomatoes.

The braided crust was excellent. It's thinner than I'd usually prefer, but it was flaky, crispy, and very flavorful. The dough seemed to be of exceptional quality. We both almost wished Trader Joe's would sell the crust by itself to be customized and topped at home before baking.

At $4.49, this one's 30 cents cheaper than its Italian counterpart. This style of tarte is apparently very common in Alsace-Lorraine, but to a typical American consumer it might seem a bit fancy or even pretentious. 

In the end, both Sonia and I liked Trader Giotto's Pizza Margherita a little more than this dish but for slightly different reasons. It might not be number one on our shopping list, but a repeat purchase is definitely not out of the question. Sonia and I will both throw out seven and a half stars for Trader Joe's Tarte au Brie et aux Tomates.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Spanish Style Rice

I'm down with white rice. It's the primary staple for over half the world's population. Brown rice? Check. Fried rice? Sure. Basmati rice? You know it. And this here Spanish rice? It's tasty.

But isn't it more like Mexican rice than Spanish rice? If you do a quick search, the internet machine will tell you Spanish rice is yellow and Mexican rice is orange. This looks orange-ish to me.

Sonia says it's pretty close to the rice her aunt would make when she was young, and it's certainly a dead ringer for the rice they serve in all the mom and pop's Mexican restaurants around here. At any rate, Spanish rice and Mexican rice are pretty similar, and this particular Trader Joe's offering is quite delicious. The seasoning blend is on point, featuring garlic, onion, paprika, and tomato powder.

Microwave and stove top heating methods are given. We nuked ours and it came out just fine.

Vegan. $3.69 for the four serving box, which comes with two separate plastic pouches of two servings each. Would buy again. Sonia and I will both throw out eight out of ten stars on Trader Joe's Spanish Style Rice.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Giotto's Penne Arrabbiata

I feel like there are more Italian folks in the northeast than anywhere else in the country, and thus the northeast is absolutely brimming with authentic Italian restaurants. Every town with a thousand people or more has at least one decent sit-down Italian place run by a family that's passed down recipes from father to son or mother to daughter for many generations.

The midwest has some Italian restaurants, for sure, but they're a bit farther and fewer between, and the real gems might be a little harder to find. Maybe it's the lack of a single Italian restaurant in our current neighborhood, but you might have noticed we've been picking up a good many Italian dishes from TJ's these past few months. I'm not sure how I've missed so many "Trader Giotto" products over the years, but better late than never, I suppose.

All that to say I've never tried arrabbiata pasta prior to this dish, so I have no idea what I'm talking about. If you've read this blog for any amount of time, you'll know that's never stopped me in the past and it certain won't stop me today. First thoughts? It's good but not great, IMO.

The spice blend that's there is nice, namely garlic, chili pepper, and white pepper, but it's pretty tame by our standards. Sonia and I both felt the Calabrian Chili Pasta Sauce had more tongue-tingling heat and a more interesting overall flavor profile than the sauce on this pasta. How authentic this arrabbiata sauce is, we can't say, but while it's nothing to write home about, it's nothing to complain about either.

The pasta was pretty run-of-the-mill penne. It was just a tad more al dente than either of us would have wanted but it was still pretty decent for having been so recently frozen. We found parmesan cheese added a nice creamy tang that was very welcome, and we also added some red pepper flakes to give it more of a kick.

In the end, it's a thumbs up overall, but we'd still gravitate towards boiling our own pasta and adding our own sauce. $3.49 for the 3 serving bag. Imported from Italy. We would possibly buy Trader Giotto's Penne Arrabbiata again.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Crispy Battered Calamari

I'm well aware all squid can be a bit chewy, but this one was borderline rubbery IMO. Sonia agrees. I've had calamari a handful of times at Italian restaurants, and I don't think this selection was quite up to par in the texture department.

I wish it came with a sauce, too. We made our own with peri peri sauce, mayonnaise, and lemon juice, and it worked great. The flavor of these morsels is very good and isn't the problem, but sauce helps almost any fried appetizer.

Our second batch we left in the air fryer a good bit longer than what was called for, and it came out a little better than the first. The batter was even crunchier...and the squid? Really just about the same. It was difficult to cut even with a very sharp knife.

$5.49 isn't a bad price for how much you get here. Product of Italy. We still can't completely get over the excessive chewiness and lack of dipping sauce.

The beautiful wifey and I are both torn between six and seven stars, so we'll go with one of each for Trader Joe's Crispy Battered Calamari.

Bottom line: 6.5 out of 10.

Trader Giotto's Spizzico di Pizza

Alrighty then, it's another quickie today. Spizzico di Pizza. Apparently, "spizzico" means "bit by bit." That makes sense. Although, Google Translate comes back with "sketchy" when "spizzico" is input. Hmmm...?

These mini pizzas beg comparison to Bagel Bites for obvious reasons. I'd say these are a tad higher-quality in almost every respect. Granted, I haven't had Bagel Bites for a hot minute, and I don't think I've ever tried them in the air fryer.

The bread gets crispy and the sauce and cheese come out soft and melty. There's some tomato, onion, and garlic flavors, and the overall vibe is quite pleasant.

$3.49 gets you 12 of these little snackalicious bites. If they're serving as appetizers, they'll do fine for a family of four, and I must say they were plenty filling as a standalone dinner for just the beautiful wifey and me. Would buy again. Sonia and I will both give Trader Giotto's Spizzico di Pizza eight out of ten stars.

The video is under a minute. There's about 40 seconds of food review and then a mini music video at the end. Enjoy. Or not.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Green Olive Flats

When I first found out Latinos eat "lengua," I was like, "Oh, is it a beef patty shaped like a tongue or something..?" Then I found out it's, you know, like actual cow tongue. So when I saw that these were "lingue crackers," I was like, "Oh no! Please tell me the Italians don't eat crackers made of dried cow tongue!" And sure enough, they don't. These crackers are named after the Italian word for "tongue" simply because of their shape. Phew.

And they're pretty good, you know? They're nothing to write home about in and of themselves, but by that same token, these are the first crackers I've ever tried with olives baked into them. No, wait. Scratch that. These are the second crackers I've tried with olives baked into them. But these are significantly better in my honest opinion.

They're salty and savory with just enough briny olive flavor to keep it interesting. Fancy folks might pair them with expensive creamy cheeses like Brie and exotic charcuterie stuff, but I can confirm they pair well with lowbrow toppings like cheddar or cream cheese. 

We also experimented with Swiss, havarti, and feta, and there's really no wrong answer when it comes to what cheese you should pair these crispy crackers with. They also go great with olives, surprise, surprise—Trader Joe's Garlic & Jalapeño Stuffed Olives worked pretty well.

There's a pleasant crunchiness to these crackers. They might be slightly brittle, but I'd say they're neither too soft nor too hard. They don't shatter the way some other crackers do, and they're thinner than other comparable wheat flats.

$2.99 for 5 servings, which come in a resealable plastic box. Imported from Italy. We would buy Trader Joe's Green Olive Flats Italian Lingue Crackers again. Sonia gives them nine out of ten stars, stating "These are some of the best crackers TJ's has ever put out." I don't disagree. I'll go with eight out of ten.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Tortilla Española

Over 20 years ago, I visited Spain briefly. Unfortunately, I didn't have anything quite like this during my few days there. I was able to sample some paella in Madrid, but I mentioned on this blog that I actually liked Trader Joe's Seafood Paella more than the dish I had in Spain.

Sonia didn't grow up with anything quite like this either. It's new to both of us, and it's nothing like a "tortilla" in the way we both think of the word. This item is more like a dense omelette made of potatoes, eggs, and onions, primarily. In fact, that's it. Except for a bit of salt and oil, those are the sole ingredients.

The product isn't too oily, even after adding a bit to the pan we cooked it in. It's a nice, clean, hearty breakfast food, filling and simple. It darkened a bit around the outside edges of the "tortilla" and got just a tad crispy by the end of the heating process. The rest of the dish was soft, warm, and moist, but not so damp as to feel wet or soupy at all. If anything, I would have wished for more of the onion flavor. It wasn't pungent enough if you ask me.

I ate mine without any toppings or condiments, though it had crossed my mind to dabble a bit of hot sauce here and there. Sonia added cheese, garlic, hot sauce, and black pepper to hers yet still insisted she enjoyed the plain product even before dressing it up.

$5.49 for the 6 serving omelet. Product of Spain. Would buy again. Eight out of ten stars from Sonia and me for Trader Joe's Tortilla Española.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Giotto's Pizza Margherita

Now here's a product that has really stood the test of time. I can't tell you exactly when it debuted, but I can tell you that Sonia has been purchasing Trader Giotto's Pizza Margherita since before we met circa 2005, so we're probably talking 20+ years on TJ's shelves. That's noteworthy. I've only had it one other time prior to this review, years ago, and it's finally time to give this bad boy its well-deserved day in the sun.

I mean it's nothing fancy. I think its simplicity is its strength. We're talking nothing more than dough, sauce, and cheese—but it's high-quality dough, sauce, and cheese. Just seven minutes at 425°F and you're ready to chow down.

The crust comes out crispy and slightly chewy. It's a relatively thin crust, which Sonia loves and I'm okay with when the occasion calls for it. If it's cold out and I'm absolutely starving, nothing but a thick, oily deep dish breading will hit the mark. But it's summertime and I'm rarely craving something so heavy, so this Pizza Margherita is just perfect for lunch these days.

There's plenty of tomato flavor, of course. The mozzarella cheese is smooth, creamy, and subtle, and it allows the basil flavor in the sauce to come through just a bit. There's also a hint of garlic and onion underneath it all. It's a nice, clean, uncomplicated flavor.

Of course, you can dress it up some if you're feeling frisky. Sonia and I were more than happy to have it plain, but it wouldn't clash with any basic pizza toppings if you wanted to add them a la carte.

$4.79 for the three serving pizza. Product of Italy. It's adequate for two adults for dinner. Will buy again. Nine out of ten stars from Sonia. Eight out of ten from Nathan for Trader Giotto's Pizza Margherita.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Chocolate Chip Mini Croissant Swirls

We bought this product relatively recently, but since then it has been brought to my attention that this item is "on a production hold" or something to that effect. Pretty sure that translates to "it's discontinued and you'll never see it again," but just in case there are some bags left in your local TJ's freezer or they resume production at some point in the future, we'll go ahead and review it because why not? There are yummy-looking croissants in my freezer so I'm going to eat them and tell you my thoughts...

The French consistently do pastries quite well. And this is, indeed, a product of France. The bread part of this dessert is scrumptious—flaky, buttery, simultaneously crispy and soft. It's a top-shelf baked good all the way. Sonia loved dunking her croissants in coffee and slurping the java off the bottom of the miniature pastries.

The chocolate chips are tiny, but there's a surprisingly generous amount of them in the swirls. They come out of the oven semi-melted from the heat, and then they finish melting in your mouth. Quite good. Truth be told, I'd probably gravitate toward a fruit filling or maybe even some kind of custard or cream, but I can't complain about milk chocolate in the end. The swirls aren't nearly as delicious after they've cooled fully, but we can't fault them for not being fresh...you know, when they're not fresh.

$3.99 for eight small but bakery-quality croissants. Would buy again (if it ever returns). Another eight out of 10 star affair for Nathan. Seven out of 10 for Sonia on Trader Joe's Chocolate Chip Mini Croissant Swirls. Not bad.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Organic Italian Dressing with Romano Cheese

This is a really nice creamy Italian dressing with a surprising amount of Romano cheese flavor and good, quality organic ingredients. It's moderately robust and tangy, flavor-wise. As far as texture is concerned, it's medium thick—thicker than most oil and vinegar type salad dressings but not quite as thick as other cream-based condiments.

We've had it with spring mix, spinach, arugula, and cabbage slaw, and it works well in each case. We've tried it in sub sandwiches in lieu of typical mustard and mayo and it's great in that context, too. I'm sure it'd be fine if you used a thin glaze of this dressing on a pasta salad or maybe even something like the feta, pepper drop, and olive antipasto.

The cheese tends to settle on the bottom of the bottle so some agitation is required before pouring. The cheese bits are very fine—not chunky at all. For the most part, they don't separate from the liquid part of the dressing when poured as larger pieces of cheese might have.

$2.99 for the 12 serving bottle. Would buy again. Nathan and Sonia both give the same score for Trader Joe's Organic Italian Dressing with Romano Cheese

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Dutch Griddle Cakes

Those Dutch are apparently pretty savvy when it comes to breakfasty, carby, cakey stuff. Stroopwafels, anyone? These aren't quite as desserty as stroopwafels, but they're thick and hearty and bread-o-riffic, and they go great with butter and syrup and anything you might put on a good ol' 'Murican pancake.

And that's probably what they're most obviously comparable to: pancakes. But there is an element of something...denser than a pancake. I wanted to say, like, an English muffin or a Welsh cake, but no. Neither of those are quite right. When all else fails, I check to see what traderjoes.com says, and they nailed it when they compared these puppies to crumpets. Those TJ's crumpets might have been the only honest-to-goodness crumpets I've ever had, but I remember the texture and it was just delightfully deep and dense, and wasn't too far a cry from these doughy Dutch discs.

They're a little buttery even before you put butter on them. Maybe it's the canola oil? Are we even supposed to be eating canola oil? I've given up on figuring out what's good for me these days. That young muscular guy who never wears a shirt says donuts are good for me and that crazy old man with the suit and bowtie says I shouldn't be eating garbanzo beans. Me am confusion. I digress.

A reader mentioned that these go great with the recently-reviewed chicken breakfast sausage patties. Dang, I wish we had saved one because I bet that would be an excellent combo. But these are very tasty on their own, too—pancake style.

$3.49 for eight griddle cakes. Product of the Netherlands. Would buy again. 8 out of 10 stars from both Sonia and Nathan for Trader Joe's Dutch Griddle Cakes.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Giotto's Family Style Meat Lasagna

"This tastes just like Stouffer's lasagna, back when Stouffer's was actually good," remarked Sonia. And although I can't remember if I ever had Stouffer's frozen lasagna in the 80s or 90s, I can kinda guess what the beautiful wifey's talking about. This tastes like really good institutional type lasagna. Think: top-notch college dining commons or expensive prep school cafeteria or maybe even all-you-can-eat Vegas casino buffet on a day when the new line cook who really cares about his job is running the show back in the kitchen.

The only thing better is homemade. Or maybe like a decent mom and pop's Italian restaurant could outdo this Trader Joe's selection, but I mean, it's not really fair to compare this with something some super Italian grandma makes for her loved ones. Not that we're experts, but we'd both probably say it's among the best frozen lasagna we've ever had.

I wish there were more ricotta cheese and more garlic flavor. But there's plenty of pasta sheets and tomato sauce. A lot of folks might say there's not enough meat in this product, but Sonia and I were fine with the amount in the sauce. We wish it were only beef rather than beef and pork, but that's probably not an issue for most folks unless they're kosher or halal.

$6.99 for a huge amount of tasty lasagna. Would possibly buy again, and would definitely try an all-beef version. Product of Canada. Shout out to Trader Guido...I mean Trader Giotto. We've missed you. Nathan's score: 7/10. Sonia's score: 8/10.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Garlicky Pasta

I've used the word "garlicky" on this blog many times, but I still have a problem with that "k" sneaking in there. There's no "k" in the word "garlic." But I guess we would want to pronounce it like an "s" sound without the "k." In other words "garlicy" looks like "garlissy," you know what I mean? We could always just hyphenate it like "garlic-y" like we do when the word is made-up or not-yet-recognized as a real word. But apparently folks use "garlicky" enough that it has an official spelling, and that spelling includes a "k" whether we like it or not.

So...this pasta is more garlicky than anything else. I guess it's pasta-y too, but all pasta is pasta-y, so that's not even worth mentioning. But I mean, if you're gonna call it "garlicky," I'd prefer it be really freaking garlicky than, you know, just kinda garlicky. And I mean, it comes covered in a medium-thick garlic sauce that is pretty tasty. It has a decent amount of garlic flavor. I guess I just want more, but then again I am a total garlic fiend. I think chunks of actual garlic might help, too.

Sonia loves this dish although she, too, wishes there were more garlic flavor. She added red pepper flakes to her portion of the bag and says it really helped open up the garlic essences in the sauce and gave the whole thing a little kick.

Texture-wise, the spaghetti-esque pasta pieces are soft and supple. The sauce is pretty smooth with no chunks of anything except some sparsely scattered bits of parsley. I think garlic, onions, scallions, or anything from the allium family could have helped not only in the flavor department but the texture one too. Carrots and bell peppers or any other basic veggies might have worked, like in the recently-reviewed stir fry.

Sonia is definitely a bigger fan than I am, but I'm not hating by any means. It looks like four and a half stars from the beautiful wifey and three and a half stars from me, meaning she'd give it a 9 out of 10 and I'd give it more like a 7 out of 10. 

Should I just do scores that way from now on? Should we each just give an "x out of 10" score and then we just average it for the bottom line? Is that less confusing than two "x out of 5" scores? Let me know in the comments.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.