Trader Joe's Organic Concord Grape Jelly

If I go for a month or two without having a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and then out of the blue I decide to make one just out of desperation or lack of cold cuts in the fridge or whatever, there's this moment where I'm like "why do I not eat this every day?" Child-like wonder washes over me as I slurp the little dab of jelly trying to escape from the layers of bread, and I contemplate why I even buy meat and cheese in the first place.

A PB&J sandwich is sweet like a dessert, but the peanut butter has protein and it's just as satisfying and filling as a turkey and Swiss sandwich. Anyway, I guess I'm supposed to be reviewing Trader Joe's Organic Concord Grape Jelly and not a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. But really, in our household at least, that's about all we use grape jelly for: good old PB&J.

Once in a while, Sonia will do cream cheese and jelly on bread or a bagel. The only time I ever do that is immediately after watching Sonia eat it because I always want what she's eating or drinking. It's uncanny. The only exception is coffee. She's constantly drinking coffee and it rarely looks or smells appealing to me. I digress.

I like the ingredients here. I kinda wish "concord grape juice" was higher than "sugar" on the list, but hey, at least they're both organic. The vast majority of other leading brands sweeten their jelly with HFCS, although a few—like Welch's—offer "natural" alternatives with real sugar. At any rate, this jelly is sweet and grape-a-licious. It's not as good as Bonne Maman, but I'd put it at least on par with all the typical name brand jellies you commonly find in grocery stores.

$3.49 for the 20 oz squeeze bottle. Would buy again. Eight out of ten stars a piece from Sonia and me for Trader Joe's Organic Concord Grape Jelly.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Just the Clusters Vanilla Almond Granola

They say breakfast is the most important meal of the day. But what if I eat cereal in the afternoon or a Pop-Tart after midnight? Those are breakfast foods, but I often eat them at not-so-breakfasty times. If I eat steak at 6:30 in the morning, is that still my most important meal of the day? Or do I need to consume it as "part of a complete breakfast" with juice, toast, and milk? If I purchase an Egg McMuffin at 11am and eat it at noon, does that count as breakfast or lunch?

The answers to these questions and more...are definitely not in this food review. But what I will tell you is that this cereal tastes good, provided you're a fan of vanilla, granola, and almonds. It's crunchy, clustery, and filling. It's sweet but not too sweet. Sonia likes it with yogurt. Bonus: the bag is resealable.

The nuts are just slivers. I wouldn't have minded bigger almond chunks and more of them. Some of the granola clusters are too big. Also, canola oil is the third ingredient—even higher than rice flour. It's "expeller pressed canola oil" if that makes a difference. I'll let you tell me if it does or not.

$3.79 for the eight serving bag. I could be wrong, but I think this product was only $3.29 a couple years back. Also, Sonia thinks it tasted more like vanilla before this most recent repackaging. Oh well. Seven and a half out of ten stars from me for Trader Joe's Just the Clusters Vanilla Almond Granola. Seven out of ten from the beautiful wifey.

Bottom line: 7.25 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Blood Orange Mochi

This mochi flavor is absolutely superb. If you enjoy sweet-tart citrus desserts, then this treat is for you. We've got the typical stretchy rice-based shell that we've seen many, many times before from Trader Joe's and other fine mochi retailers—in this case, it's a lovely shade of orange. And on the inside, we've got pink ice cream flaunting the delightful flavor of blood oranges.

It's such an interesting balance of intense orange and creamy sweetness. This might be my favorite flavor of mochi ice cream to date. I really wanted to down the whole box in one sitting. Since I'm not a complete monster, I saved half for my lovely wife. She enjoyed them at least as much as I did.

The box will run you $4.99 for six mochi. That comes to about 84¢ per ice cream ball. Considering how scrumptious they are, that's not a bad value. Gluten free. Kosher. Would definitely buy again. This product is marked with that "Limited Time" label on TJ's website, so I wouldn't sleep on it unless you want to wait until 2026 to try these. Nine out of ten stars from me for Trader Joe's Blood Orange Mochi. Sonia will go with nine and a half.

Bottom line: 9.25 out of 10.

Trader Joe's European Grains & Seeds Bread

I'm particularly fascinated with the cuisines and cultures of the nationalities that I'm descended from. And while I'm not properly Danish at all, those Viking folks had their way with my English and Scottish ancestors back in the day, so I most likely have some of that Scandinavian blood coursing through my veins. Will that influence my score on this product? Probably not. I think I stay pretty objective regardless of a product's origins.

You'll pay $3.49 for what appears to be a half a loaf of bread, imported from Denmark. I'm hearing that it is indeed very similar to a type of bread that's common in northern Europe and Germany, so it's fairly authentic according to European folks.

Apparently there was a very popular European style bread at Trader Joe's some years back and then it underwent the typical disappearing act. Don't think we ever tried that one, so unfortunately we don't really have anything to compare this to directly.

Trader Joe's European Grains & Seeds Bread has sourdough, rye, and wheat flours in the mix. There are sunflower seeds and flaxseeds, too. The overall effect is nutty and lightly sweet, yet somehow sour and earthy at the same time. Sonia and I are both surprised at the density of the bread. It's quite thinly sliced as it states on the wrapper, so the density and thinness sort of cancel each other out, if that makes sense.

I mainly just enjoyed it toasted with some butter, but we tried it with the avocado mash, cream cheese, and as a base for turkey sandwiches. It's more filling and flavorful than regular white bread, but the unusual taste may be off-putting to some American palates.

Would we buy Trader Joe's European Grains & Seeds Bread again? I wouldn't rule it out, but I think Sonia and I both gravitate toward traditional sourdough more than this multi-grain seed bread. As always, we're grateful to have tried it and to know what it's like since it's quite different from the typical bread you find here in the States. We both agree this is a seven and a half star affair as far as we're concerned. Let us know what you think of this bread.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Avocado Mash

My first instinct was like, "Why would anyone ever need mashed avocados unless they're making guacamole?" But then Sonia was quick to point out that you don't put guac on avocado toast. Point taken, wifey. Guess I'm just more into guacamole than I am into avocado toast.

Still, with some sourdough as a base and Trader Joe's Everything but the Bagel seasoning on top, avocado toast is tastier than I ever thought it would be before I tried it. I mean, this isn't the very first time I've had it, but all the other times either someone else made it or Sonia had to mash or spread the avocados herself.

Trader Joe's Avocado Mash will run you $3.49 for the 8 oz tub. I've heard of Hass avocados but I couldn't tell you much about them. What I can tell you is that the quality of the mash is top notch, tastes great, and is super smooth. It's not stringy at all or slimy or brown at the time of unsealing. As a matter of fact, the package has been unsealed for a couple days now and it still isn't brown. The lemon juice and salt probably helps preserve it as well as adding a bit of extra flavor.

We also used the mash on some soft tacos, and it worked well that way, too. You could always turn it into proper guacamole by throwing in your own onions, tomatoes, cilantro, garlic, and jalapeño. What else can you do with it? I'm not exactly a culinary wizard, so let us know if you've got any great ideas or recipes up your sleeve.

Avocados are never cheap, so the value is pretty decent at three and a half bucks. Found in the refrigerated section. Kosher. Yet another product of Mexico. Would buy again. Sonia and I will throw out eight out of ten stars a piece for Trader Joe's Avocado Mash.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Espresso Martini

Trader Joe's Espresso Martini comes in a cute bottle and smells vaguely of coffee. It's not particularly sweet or creamy. It's 20% ABV. I've lived in big cities for half my adult life and I'm not sure I've ever known anyone who has owned martini glasses. Call me unsophisticated. I grew up in Appalachia. If you do know anybody who owns martini glasses, be sure to get chummy with them before you buy this product.

Just kidding. The bottle suggests serving it that way with coffee beans for garnish. But we're here to say that you not only need to chill the product, serve it with coffee beans, agitate it like you mean it, and put it in a martini glass to be palatable, but you also need to add cold foam or some sort of dairy product to approximate any type of espresso martini that is truly delicious or dessert-like in any way. Are we being too harsh?

No. Watch the video. Get our raw, uncensored thoughts about this beverage on YouTube in real time. This product isn't gross. It's not bad. It's just not worth ten bucks per bottle from my standpoint. Sonia and I lounge on our overpriced Lovesac Sactional and drink Trader Joe's Espresso Martini from non-martini glasses. It's YouTube gold. But the algorithm doesn't know that yet. Help us to educate it.

Oddly, the day after we shot the video, I attempted to re-agitate the bottle into a frothy foam, and it actually worked...at least sorta. I think the extra air in the bottle helped. It wasn't like a huge amount of creamy foam, but like the same little bubbly head you might get on the top of a pint of beer. It made the texture better and it may be my imagination, but I almost thought it tasted a shade better, too. Meh. Not enough to influence my final score.

Produced by Nomad Spirits in Los Angeles. That explains the lack of sweetness. Angelenos can't have much sugar or they gain weight and don't get the part on the daytime drama they're auditioning for. $9.99 for the 375 mL bottle. That's 12.68 oz. Kinda pricey. I wouldn't buy again. Sonia might if she had cold foam and a martini glass at her fingertips.

Sonia's score: 7.5 out of 10.

Nathan's score: 6 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Chicken Chile Verde Burritos

More Mexican food! How can you go wrong with comida Mexicana? We've seen our share of tasty Mexican dishes...as well as a good number of epic fails. This is a new-ish frozen product, so we had to pick it up and give it the classic WG@TJ's taste test.

Conventional oven, air fryer, and microwave instructions are given on the packaging. If you've been following us for any amount of time, you can probably guess which route we went. Air fryer, ftw! 

And our burritos came out great. The tortilla was nice and crispy and the filling was piping hot after 18 minutes or so at 400°F. I can't imagine the microwave working quite as well.

The chicken was finely shredded but there was still enough to sink your teeth into. It was fairly mushy, but it wasn't just a mush. Though I'd have preferred all white meat chicken, the overall quality was very good. 

The chile verde and seasoning blend made for a tasty flavor—not very spicy, but potent enough to keep us coming back for more. There was onion, tomatillo, garlic, jalapeño, and black pepper in the mix. While salsa or hot sauce wouldn't be out of the question, the flavor was adequate without it.

$3.99 for two good-sized burritos, found in the frozen section. Would buy again. Product of Mexico. Eight out of ten stars from Sonia. Eight and a half out of ten stars from me.

Bottom line: 8.25 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Soft Pretzel Twists

Everybody in the US is familiar with soft pretzels, but those of us who grew up in Pennsylvania know them just a bit better than the rest. With a high percentage of German-Americans and a huge Pennsylvania Dutch community, PA produces 80% of the nation's pretzels. I even went to college with a guy whose aunt...is actually Auntie Anne, founder of the famous pretzel chain.

All that to say, my standards are pretty high. So how do Trader Joe's Soft Pretzel Twists hold up? Considering they're pre-packaged and shelf stable for a few days at least, they're not terrible. If you're just snacking on them straight out of the bag, you might not be blown away. But if you take great care to moisten them, heat them per the instructions, and apply the big, coarse granules of salt with precision, they're certainly passable.

Once again, we used our air fryer to heat the pretzels instead of the conventional oven. I just can't justify preheating the real oven just to stick a couple of pretzels in it for three minutes. At any rate, it worked. I was fine snacking on the pretzel by itself with maybe a dab or two of mustard. Sonia wasn't into the plain twists by themselves very much. She made pretzel dogs and quite enjoyed them that way, though. I did, too. If we'd had some pub cheddar on hand, they'd have been great dunked in it.

$3.49 for six soft pretzels. Kosher. Put this on the might​ repurchase list. Seven and a half out of ten stars from Sonia, who wishes the pretzels were bigger and came with regular salt rather than the oversized granules. Eight out of ten stars from me for Trader Joe's Soft Pretzel Twists.

Bottom line: 7.75 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Organic Coconut Smoothie

I wasn't expecting much from this product, but it's surprisingly sweet and chuggable. It's not boring like plain coconut water and it's not quite as thick as your typical coconut milk. It's actually coconut water blended with tiny bits of coconut meat. I was bracing myself for something terribly chalky consistency-wise, but it actually comes off as creamy and smooth despite the pieces of coconut.

At $2.69 for just 8 oz, it's on the pricey side. But as usual, you get what you pay for. This product is imported from Thailand and is made from Nam Hom coconuts—apparently a highly sought after variety—and it shows.

Many specimens I've seen online are pink. Even the ones on TJ's own website show a very pink liquid in the bottle. The description on the packaging says the product "may take on a rosy hue." Ours stayed decidedly white for some reason. I'm fine with that. Sonia is too. Eight out of ten stars a piece for Trader Joe's Organic Coconut Smoothie.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Shrimp Noodle Rolls

Alrighty then. That's another unscripted video review down at the bottom of this post, so I'm just throwing out some bullet points about the product for you folks that enjoy my demented written ramblings or don't do YouTube for whatever reason...

The noodle rolls were very delicate by my estimation. They really wanted to stick to my pan and the shrimp even fell out of the rolls in a couple instances. There were plenty of shrimp and veggies, but there wasn't enough flavor. The bag even says to serve them with soy sauce or dipping sauce (not included). It was Trader Joe San Soyaki to the rescue. They were quite bland on their own.

$3.99 in the frozen section. Product of Vietnam. Listed as "Limited Time" on traderjoes.com. This item isn't awful, but we would not buy it again. Six and a half stars from me. Five and a half stars from Sonia for Trader Joe's Shrimp Noodle Rolls.

Bottom line: 6 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Covered Speculoos Cookie Butter Filled Elephant Dung Espresso Beans 10th Anniversary Edition

I guess it wasn't such a crappy idea after all. Trader Joe's Chocolate Covered Elephant Dung Espresso Beans are BACK for a limited time only. They're boasting beautiful new 10th Anniversary Edition artwork and the same rich, earthy essences they did back in 2015. Even though we weren't exactly fixated on the funky flavors of the first edition, we did pick up this repackaging just for a trip down memory lane.

The pachyderm poopoo packs a potent punch and underneath, the coffee and cookie butter blend to provide sweetness and stimulation. I don't think the precise caffeine content of this product has ever been determined or published, but this Limited Edition release has me buzzing right now.

The collectible, reusable box and 20 servings of espresso beans featuring 100% certified organic elephant feces is yours for just $4.99, found in the candy aisle. Yes, it's gone up a buck, but hey, a decade of inflation will do that. Again, we gave the original a "not bad" score. It's really not our favorite snack in the world, but we've made it our duty...ahem, our doody to purchase and review all things TJ's just for you, our loyal readers.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.