Trader Joe's Everything but the Bagel Cheddar Cheese

This everything but the bagel phenomenon is getting out of hand. Why can't we just put classic EBTB on our own cheese, Trader Joe? You don't trust us to do it properly? I suppose it's nice to have it pressed right into the wheel already. It would be tedious to sprinkle the proper amount on every single bite of cheese, wouldn't it? Some of these products were better than others, but I know it was convenient to have it pre-applied to a few other things throughout the years:

Trader Joe's EBTB Greek Yogurt Dip

Trader Joe's EBTB Nut Duo

Trader Joe's Everything Ciabatta Rolls

Trader Joe's EBTB Smoked Salmon

Trader Joe's EBTB Potato Chips

Trader Joe's Everything Bagel Chips

Trader Joe's EBTB Crackers

Ridiculous, right? Anyway, TJ's keeps making them and we keep buying them, so there's no end in sight. Today we're looking at cheddar cheese. Pretty hard to mess that up, right?

We tried it plain first just to see what we're working with here. It's good. I thought, if anything, the EBTB wouldn't be strong enough and I'd want more of it. It's pretty well-represented here, honestly.

There's a significant garlic element in the EBTB cheese. Fortunately, Sonia and I absolutely love raw garlic, black garlic, cooked garlic, garlic butter, garlic mayo, garlic bread, and...well, you get the idea. I'd be wary of eating this during a work lunch since it might make your breath a tad funky.

Other than that, have at it. Provided you like cheddar cheese as well as the garlic and onion vibe you get from EBTB, I can't imagine people disliking this product. It makes plain old cheddar cheese seem super gourmet. Sonia and I will try this with chicken, pasta, sandwiches, and melted over veggies.

It's some of the best tasting cheese I've had in a long time. I give Trader Joe's Everything but the Bagel Cheddar Cheese 9 out of 10 stars. Sonia will give it a perfect ten. $4.99 for the 8 oz wheel.

Bottom line: 9.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Hot Smoked Salmon Fillet

Sonia and I grabbed this product from the fridge at TJ's in haste, neither of us remembering that it had already been reviewed on this blog. In our defense, it's been over five years since the post went up, and we weren't the ones that reviewed it.

I thought about simply bumping that old post and plopping a short video at the bottom, but I think I'll just let that one stand on its own since we've got a significantly divergent take on this item. If you care to read the review from my esteemed former colleague just click here:

Trader Joe's Hot Smoked Salmon Fillet Take One

It's quite possible suppliers have changed in the past five years or that the quality of the fish has improved or simply that my erstwhile Pittsburghian counterpart "got a bad batch," but we found a much smaller layer of dark gray salmon next to the skin on our specimen. Also, we found our salmon to taste pretty good overall.

My biggest gripe would be that the smokey flavor was just a little overbearing. Some folks love that smokey flavor, but I can only tolerate it in moderation. Sonia was fine with the smokiness here.

We found a salmon spread recipe on thekitchn.com involving this salmon, mayo, onions, and lemon/lime juice. That combo was absolutely superb. The acidity of the lime juice and the creaminess of the mayo counterbalanced the smoke flavor nicely, and it made an extremely satisfying appetizer that actually wound up being our dinner.

We finished the product in a single sitting that way, serving the salmon spread on both water crackers and white rice. Get a look at the actual product by checking out the YouTube Short below.

$8.99 for the 6 ounce ready-to-serve package. In the end, I'd prefer unsmoked salmon for most situations, but this product is convenient and has plenty of potential when mixed with other ingredients. Would buy again. Seven and a half out of ten stars from me. Eight and a half out of ten stars from Sonia.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Leelanau Cellars Witches Brew

When we lived in the Philly area, Sonia and I attended this Christmas village they do right in Love Park in Center City. It was a very cold evening and there were even a few snowflakes in the air. Enchanted by the beauty of the lights and Yuletide decorations, the beautiful wifey decided to embrace the moment by sampling one of the vendors' mulled wine beverages.

Within minutes, her pulse began racing and she became very short of breath. She had to sit down and relax immediately and just narrowly avoided fainting. We might have assumed they dropped some kind of drug into her drink if not for the fact I finished the rest with no noticeable side effects.

With my help, she managed to make it back to the SEPTA train and returned to normal within a couple hours of reaching our apartment. To the best of my knowledge, mulled wine is simply red wine infused with a few spices and served hot, but to this day Sonia has avoided it due to that odd reaction.

All that to say I'll be scoring this one alone. The beautiful wifey will be enjoying a nice vanilla blonde ale while I sip on this sweet spiced red. And yes, it is quite sweet. There's even a sweet-o-meter on the back of the bottle indicating that this brew gets a 4 out of 5 sweetness score. I'd say that's about right.

It's basically a fruity dessert red with a warm blend of fall spices. From a distance, it looks like a dark opaque red color, but in the light it looks like a slightly translucent shade of light purple. The particular ingredients aren't listed so I'm merely guessing at the spices here, but I'd say I taste clove, allspice, nutmeg, and maybe a hint of cinnamon and ginger. It's still more sweet than spicy in my book, but it's definitely packing more than just grapey goodness.

I tried it hot but I honestly prefer it at room temperature. I didn't feel the need to add a cinnamon stick or anything like that, but if that's your thing, have at it. I haven't tried it chilled or on ice yet either, but I bet it would taste a good bit like sangria, particularly if you tossed some fresh fruit into your glass.

$7.99 for the screw cap bottle. 12.5% alcohol by volume. Would buy again. I'll go with seven and a half out of ten for Leelanau Cellars Witches Brew.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Honey Roasted Pumpkin Ravioli

Some products just don't need a pumpkin version. And other things seem like they were created for the express purpose of being stuffed with the large orange gourd. In my humble opinion, this product falls into the latter category. That is to say, "Why the heck haven't we tried pumpkin ravioli before?"

Pretty sure this and a gluten-free variety have been floating around Trader Joe's seasonally for a few years now. Can't remember if it wasn't available or if we just passed it over on purpose in favor of other fall flavors, but I'm glad we're getting around to it now. It's good.

Pumpkin is actually the number one ingredient in this unique fall pasta. After that, we've got ricotta and mozzarella, along with a subtle and appropriate blend of spices and sweeteners including both brown sugar and honey. We do have nutmeg, allspice, clove, and cinnamon in the mix, but the product manages to avoid becoming a pumpkin pie spice product somehow and maintains a savory, squashy essence despite its honey sweetness.

Sonia and I ate our ravioli with just a touch of butter and salt. I can't imagine a sauce that would enhance this product rather than clash with it, but some folks say it goes well with Trader Joe's Autumnal Harvest Pasta Sauce. As much as I like that sauce, I think I'd rather reserve it for more neutral pasta products. This pumpkin ravioli has a really nice taste just on its own and I wouldn't want it to compete with any additional flavors. A sage brown butter sauce might be an exception.

$3.99 for the 9 oz pack. It comes refrigerated but you can freeze it if there's a chance you won't use if before the best by date. We would buy this product again. Eight out of ten stars from the beautiful wifey and me for Trader Joe's Honey Roasted Pumpkin Ravioli.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Organic Pasture Raised Large Brown Eggs

Well, I mean, shoot. If we can review stuff like arugula and red pepper on this blog, eggs are certainly worth a looksee, right? Sure.

These puppies are organic. $6.49 for the dozen. That makes them about $1.50 more expensive than their non-organic yet still pasture-raised counterparts. But they're still a buck or two cheaper than organic eggs I've seen from other grocery stores. Is the organic-ness worth it? I have no idea in this case. Sonia apparently thinks it is. I'd probably just grab the cheap stuff.

They are indeed large brown chicken eggs. They look pretty pristine inside and out. With 70 calories each and a good amount of protein, eggs are still one of the most cost-effective foods on the market—even the organic kind.

I've mentioned before that I kinda have to be in the mood for eggs. I'm not someone that's ever had them for breakfast every day. Sonia, on the other hand, not only eats eggs almost every single day, but she'll often have them for breakfast and a mid-day snack.

For their high quality and overall decent value, we'll both go with eight out of ten stars on Trader Joe's Organic Pasture Raised Large Brown Eggs.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's S'mores Ice Cream

I'm no expert when it comes to this classic camping favorite, but it seems pretty obvious to me that the key to a good s'more is a balance of flavors. You need two squares of graham cracker for the "bread," one large toasted marshmallow, and one square slab of chocolate centered above the lower graham cracker, preferably just a bit gooey and slightly melted from the warmth of the marshmallow. The equation should be very close to equal parts chocolate : marshmallow : graham cracker.

And that's precisely why this s'mores ice cream flavor was never going to be stellar. Two thirds of the pint would need to be chocolate and marshmallow for it to have the authentic taste of s'mores. You and I both know these gimmicky ice cream flavors seldom if ever have enough mix-ins.

Before I actually read the label on the container, I assumed the base would be chocolate. I think it was a step in the right direction to decide on graham cracker instead. It's a unique ice cream flavor, and it works, just in and of itself. There are thin swaths of white marshmallow here and there, but there's just not enough of it. The chocolate "swirls" are even fewer and farther between. "Swirls" might be too generous a word. "Flecks" or "splotches" might be more accurate.

The few bites that had equal parts graham cracker, marshmallow, and chocolate were fairly tasty, but even then they lacked the complex texture of a real smore. Obviously, they could have remedied that by including real graham cracker bits, chocolate chips, or marshmallow creme rather than just ice cream and flavored "swirls."

If you're simply craving something sweet and creamy and don't overanalyze the product as I'm clearly doing here, you probably won't be let down too badly. We'll have no problems finishing this pint by any means. Would we buy it again? No. There are lots of other delicious ice cream flavors at Trader Joe's that we'd reach for again before this one. The Horchata Ice Cream, in particular, comes to mind.

But hey, each to his own. Let us know your thoughts in the comments down below. $3.79 for the pint. Seven out of ten stars from Sonia and me on Trader Joe's S'mores Ice Cream.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Tarte au Brie et aux Tomates

This classic thin crust "tarte" begs comparison to another longstanding Trader Joe's mainstay: Trader Giotto's Pizza Margherita. Both have thin crusts, though the one on this offering might be even thinner than the margherita's. Both are fairly stripped down and simple in terms of presentation and toppings, and both are sourced internationally, this one from France and the margherita from Italy.

Cheese-wise, we've got Brie and creme fraiche on this product, which combine for a unique, rich, and creamy quality. I'm not even that big a fan of Brie, and I'm quite sensitive to all moldy cheeses thanks to some odd allergies, but this combo didn't bother me at all in terms of a reaction, and it did provide the dish with a very interesting gourmet essence.

Instead of marinara sauce, we're looking at flattened cherry tomatoes. Again, I'm not fond of tomatoes in their purest form, but since they emerge from the oven fully cooked, I was willing to give them a chance. We were both happy with their flavor. 

The main problem that Sonia and I both perceived is that tomato sauce can be spread quite evenly over an entire pizza whereas actual tomatoes are less consistent. That is, one bite will contain an entire cherry tomato and the next bite might not have any tomato at all. Sonia, in particular, wanted a lot more tomatoes.

The braided crust was excellent. It's thinner than I'd usually prefer, but it was flaky, crispy, and very flavorful. The dough seemed to be of exceptional quality. We both almost wished Trader Joe's would sell the crust by itself to be customized and topped at home before baking.

At $4.49, this one's 30 cents cheaper than its Italian counterpart. This style of tarte is apparently very common in Alsace-Lorraine, but to a typical American consumer it might seem a bit fancy or even pretentious. 

In the end, both Sonia and I liked Trader Giotto's Pizza Margherita a little more than this dish but for slightly different reasons. It might not be number one on our shopping list, but a repeat purchase is definitely not out of the question. Sonia and I will both throw out seven and a half stars for Trader Joe's Tarte au Brie et aux Tomates.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Spooky Bats & Cats Sour Gummy Candies

Let's get this Halloween month kicked off right with a seasonally-appropriate set of spooky gummy candies. Not to be confused with Trader Joe's Halloween Gummies, these felines and flittermice are sour snacks. We've got green, purple, and orange bat and cat shapes here, as opposed to skeletons, skulls, and pumpkins.

Ever since the departure of Trader Joe's delicious sour T's and J's, we've been pining for a replacement. There's been a contender or two for sure, but nothing has taken the title from those discontinued sour citrus legends. These gummies have their work cut out for them.

And once again, they're okay. Not stellar. But not bad. What I like here: these gluten-free and kosher gummy candies are all natural, colored with fruit and vegetable juices—as are many of Trader Joe's candies—and they contain no animal gelatin. They come in a resealable plastic bag for freshness. They're soft and chewy and covered in a generous amount of sour sugar.

They are indeed somewhat tart, but they're not super sour. I think each of the three colors in the bag represents a different flavor. Only the orange flavor really appealed to me. The other two are okay. I guess I might find them more interesting if I knew what they were supposed to be. The orange flavor might be, you know, orange. The purple ones don't taste much like grape to me but that might have been what they were going for. The green ones? I'm thinking sour apple...but they're definitely not the best sour apple candy I've tasted.

In the end, they're a fun treat with decent ingredients. Kids would probably love 'em. I don't think we'll have any problems finishing the bag, but Sonia and I probably wouldn't pick this particular product up again unless we had children coming around for some reason. $3.49 for the 14 oz bag. We'll go with seven out of ten stars on Trader Joe's Spooky Bats & Cats Sour Gummy Candies.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.