Trader Joe's Kimbap

Good morning, folks! It's time to look at Trader Joe's Kimbap. Neither Sonia nor I had ever tried this dish before, but we both like sushi so we decided to give it a whirl. This one's primarily a video review in stunning 4K resolution but for those of you who just want to relax and read, here's a few paragraphs on our findings...

This Asian dish comes frozen and it thaws in 2-3 minutes in the microwave. The packaging recommends serving it hot or cold while Koreans who know the dish say it should be served at room temperature. I found hot or room temperature worked great while chilling the kimbap in the fridge made the mouthfeel a little funky.

Still, the taste and texture are remarkable considering it comes frozen solid. There's an unexpected sweetness to the dish—akin to sesame sauce—plus all the rich veggie flavors you get from tofu, burdock root, carrot, radish, spinach, and seaweed. It's filling, satisfying, convenient, and reasonably priced at $3.99 for nine big sushi roll discs.

Product of Korea. The packaging and traderjoes.com only specify that it's vegetarian, but there's nothing in the ingredients that wouldn't be vegan, and other actual vegans out in cyberspace have declared that it is, in fact, vegan. I give Trader Joe's Kimbap eight out of ten stars while the beautiful wifey will go with nine out of ten.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Organics Arugula

Just a quickie today. Arugula. It's currently my favorite vegetable. Or, as Steve Martin put it in My Blue Heaven—it's a ve-ge-ta-ble. Like Vinnie Antonelli, Sonia and I find ourselves living in a town that doesn't sell arugula anywhere, so we have to drive to the big city to get any and it feels like a luxury every time we procure a bag.

I find arugula to be almost like a cross between spinach and romaine lettuce, but nuttier than either of those. It's faintly bitter but it's also a little peppery in a weird way. I like baby arugula too, which is a bit more mild than the normal kind.

This Trader Joe's offering is organic, which is good I guess. It started getting goofy just a couple days after we bought it. That's a common complaint about Trader Joe's produce in particular—it goes bad quickly. I don't know if that's a testament to the fact that it really is organic or whether it's not stored at the proper temperature in the store or what.

But anyway, this stuff was great while it lasted. We made salad after salad and piled it on each sandwich we had. We even threw it on our pizza slices to help balance out the carbs and grease.

$2.49 for the 7 oz bag, which is an excellent price for this amount of organic arugula. We'd both buy it again, but we wish it lasted just as long as the arugula we get from Hy-Vee or Walmart. Eight out of ten stars from Sonia and me for Trader Joe's Organic Arugula.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Chiles Rellenos con Queso

It's been quite a while since I've had any chile relleno, but the biggest problem I've had with it in the past is sub-par chiles used for the base. I've had ones that contained odd, tough regions that were very hard to chew. This product did not suffer from that malady at all. My poblano pepper was pristine, flavorful, and uniformly soft all throughout.

The other problem I've had with chile relleno, in general, is that the fluffy breading is somewhat crispy to start, but then it quickly gets soggified by the melted cheese and sauce surrounding it. This product did have a bit of that going on, which resulted in another very tasty but overall mushy dish.

The spice level was great. The mild to moderate amount of heat came from the poblano pepper as well as the tomato-based sauce. The asadero cheese, though nearly liquid and difficult to wrangle with a fork, was absolutely scrumptious and complemented the batter, pepper, and sauce elements nicely.

Supposedly, chile relleno used to be one of my mother-in-law's specialty dishes, but alas, I have not been able to try it yet <hint, hint, suegra.> As it stands, I think this is among the best specimens of the entree that I've ever had. 

Eight out of ten stars from me for Trader Joe's Chiles Rellenos con Queso.

Sonia's entire family, in fact, either makes some form of chile relleno themselves or is a chile relleno connoisseur. 

Because it's a dish that's relatively easy to mess up, the convenience factor, and reasonable price ($5.99 for two) Sonia gives this product of Mexico 9 out of 10 stars.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Oven Dried Red & Yellow Bell Pepper Crisps

In the tradition of other crispy, crunchy veggie snacks that Trader Joe's has offered throughout the years, bell peppers are getting their day in the sun...er, their day in the oven, as it were. If you don't know what I'm talking about, see:

Trader Joe's Contemplates Inner Peas

Trader Joe's Kale Chips

Trader Joe's Crispy Crunchy Broccoli Florets

Trader Joe's Beet Chips

Trader Joe's Parsnip Chips

Trader Joe's Crispy Crunchy Okra

Your guess is as good as mine as to whether any of those snacktastic veggies are still available at TJ's or not...

As a standalone snack, these oven dried dealies are definitely not my favorite, despite a general fondness for bell peppers of all colors. They're oddly bitter, crusty, and papery.

Crumbled on top of stuff, however, they're pretty neat. $1.99 for the resealable bag. Product of Turkey. Sonia and I will go with six out of ten stars.

Bottom line: 6 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Organic Carrot Turmeric Juice Blend

If it's not apparent by now, Sonia and I don't shop at Trader Joe's to "be healthy," generally. We shop there because we find unique and interesting stuff from around the world at reasonable prices. Every once in a while, however, we try something that is obviously optimized for healthiness rather than taste just out of curiosity, and carrot juice products generally fall in that category.

It's been a good long while, but we've tried the Omega Orange Carrot Juice, the Tropical Carrot Juice Blend, and Organic Purple Carrot Juice throughout the years. Personally, carrot juice is not something I drink for pleasure, but this one sounded fascinating with both black pepper and chili pepper in the ingredients. What's life without a little adventure and a little variety?

Sonia's take on the matter? "I used to love carrot juice. I would get a big serving from Jamba Juice almost every day back in my twenties," she reported. "But then my skin turned orange."

Hahaha. Okay, love.

The color of this beverage is striking. It's not unlike Trader Joe's Dynamo from many years ago. It's a deep, opaque shade of orange. The lemon and pepper flavors hit your palate just as hard if not harder than the carrot essence. Sonia insists it tastes like tomato juice. I think it's just the two types of pepper and turmeric balancing out the natural sweetness of the carrots. It's very similar to a Bloody Mary, but with carrot instead of tomato. No wonder traderjoes.com says it mixes well with vodka.

In the end, the beverage tasted a little better than I thought it would, while Sonia liked it a lot less than she thought she would. Neither of us would ever reach for this after doing yard work over a nice tall glass of lemonade, but we'll probably have a shot or two in the morning each day for the health benefits and the invigorating rush of the pepper.

$4.79 for 32 fluid ounces, found with the shelf-stable beverages. Probably wouldn't buy again. Health nuts, have at it. Six out of ten stars from Sonia for Trader Joe's Organic Carrot Turmeric Juice Blend. Seven out of ten stars from me.

Bottom line: 6.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Japchae Stir Fry

Sweet potato noodles sounded tasty, so I decided to check these out. They're sweet potato glass noodles, in fact. I'm assuming the name came from the appearance since they're translucent and do indeed look like thin shards of orange-tinted glass.

Never had japchae before. Apparently, it's a Korean dish, and it's actually pronounced like "chap-chay." It's often served with meat, which I could have added, but in the end I decided to just stick with the included veggies: spinach, onions, carrots, and red and green bell peppers.

It took 10 minutes on the stove top with medium-high heat instead of the prescribed three. Surprise, surprise. The dish is perfectly edible all by itself but I did have most of my portion with a bit of soy sauce. The sodium content is already significant...so I probably should have just gone without.

The noodles were soft, stretchy, and chewy, yet somewhat delicate, too. They were quite thin and very easy to eat with chopsticks. The veggies were all crisp and felt fairly fresh despite having been recently frozen. The only exception might have been a leaf or two of spinach that had extremely tough stems, which I simply removed.

$3.49 for the 2 serving package. Sonia and I both liked the taste and texture of the noodles quite a bit, though they're not particularly filling. Some folks who know the dish claim it's kinda sorta authentic, others say not so much. Sonia would definitely buy this item again. I think I might, too. Four stars from the beautiful wifey, three and a half from me for Trader Joe's Japchae Korean Sweet Potato Glass Noodles & Vegetable Stir Fry.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Fruits & Greens Smoothie Blend

Sonia and I make our own smoothies from time to time. Although the ingredients are subject to change and substitutions, we generally use blueberries, strawberries, bananas, and some kind of juice. If it involves milk or ice cream, in my mind anyway, it's a milkshake even if it does contain some fruit. So if we're talking smoothies at our house, it's generally understood that they're 100% fruit and fruit juices.

This mix has some spinach and kale included, which of course, are also fairly common smoothie ingredients. I've had pre-mixed smoothies that sneak in traces of nutrient-dense vegetables like kale successfully, but my palate is generally sensitive enough that I can taste the veggies and to some degree or another, they detract from my enjoyment of all the sweet fruit flavors. I don't want a salad smoothie. I want a fruit smoothie. If I want greens, I'll eat them on the side, heated with a little butter and salt.

The greens didn't bother Sonia one bit, but they did bug me a little. Every third sip or so, I'd taste the relatively bitter essences of spinach and kale. And it wasn't because the beverage wasn't blended enough. Our little wannabe bullet blender got the ingredients pretty darn liquefied. There was just a tad too much in the way of greens. If there had been half as much, I think it might have slid under my taste bud radar undetected.

Still, it's not a bad mix. It's bursting with berry flavor and some banana underneath. Dragon fruit is such a relatively mild taste in comparison, I don't think it affected the flavor profile in any significant way.

We've used apple, orange, and/or pineapple juices to make smoothies in the past. With these ingredients, Sonia and I both agreed apple was the way to go here, as the extra sweetness helped cover over most of the earthiness of the kale and spinach. It worked pretty well.

$3.99 for the bag, which will easily produce four or more smoothies for us, despite the three serving specification on the nutrition info. In the end, I'd rather just buy my own smoothie ingredients. This is pretty close to what I'd want, but with fewer veggies. Sonia would buy again for the convenience factor. Four stars from her. Three stars from me for Trader Joe's Fruits & Greens Smoothie Blend.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Holiday Vegetable Hash

Trader Joe's is selling the good stuff now. And it's not just any hash, it's a special strain cultivated for this magical holiday season. But try as I may to roll it up and light it up, I just couldn't get this bud to burn. Somebody gotta tell Joe to dry his goods before selling them. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to eat these little hash chunks. They even give you suggestions for using them as edibles right on the package. You can make super stimulating soup or stoner stuffing with this stuff. Far out.

All hash jokes aside, our mixture seemed like it was teetering on the verge of being too dry, honestly. A bit more moisture would have been quite pleasant here. The squash and sweet potato bites were a little too hard and even the celery seemed stiff. We did consume it a couple days before the "best by" date, but it seemed like maybe our batch had seen better days..?

It's not a mix I'd ever want to eat on its own. In addition to the lack of moisture and abundance of firmness, it's a very odd flavor combo to me. When cold, the onions clash with the sweet potato and squash, and the herbs and spices are overrepresented.

As far as seasonings are concerned, we're looking at parsley, sage, rosemary, and...wait. What? Just parsley, sage, rosemary...and no thyme. I bet Simon and Garfunkel are rolling over in their graves right now. Wait. What? Neither of those guys are dead yet? Well, that's good, I guess. Time for a reunion tour then, maybe?

As an additive to other foods, I guess I'm failing to find a soup that suits this unusual mishmash of not-super-Christmassy oddball ingredients. Sonia sautéed it with salt and olive oil, and I must say I like this melange much better when served warm. The oil helps with the dryness, and all the flavors blend into a nice savory snack—much less harsh and bitter than when consumed raw. It works amazingly well as an accompaniment to eggs.

The beautiful wifey has big plans to serve up the remainder of our hash with a Cornish hen, but I don't think we'll get to that before this review gets posted. In light of how good this stuff is when served as a hot dish, I'll have to give it the benefit of the doubt. Sonia agrees.

$4.99 for the 18 oz container. Three and a half stars a piece from the wifey and me for Trader Joe's Holiday Vegetable Hash.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Sweet Picanté Peppers

If Peter Parker picked a pack of pickled picanté peppers, then where's the pantry where the people put the package of pretty pepper pieces? Or something like that...

So here we have pickled peppers submerged in oil and vacuum-sealed in a jar, along with plenty of salt. Not surprisingly, the product is shelf stable for quite some time—about two years—but the package label says "once opened, keep refrigerated and consume within 5 days." Five days?? We don't even get a week to eat these? You'd think they'd keep almost indefinitely if they're refrigerated and still submerged in oil, salt, and acidifiers. I have a feeling we won't finish the whole jar in such a short span of time, but this review will be posted well before we know for sure.

First thoughts: just like the sweet peppers you get from sandwich joints. I know they exist outside of Subway and Jersey Mike's, but that's where I know this flavor from. They're usually sliced into little strips there, but here we have the whole pepper.

The cheese? It doesn't really specify what type of cheese it is, but it strikes me as just your typical cream cheese or what have you. It's good and it pairs pretty well with the pepper flavor.

As far as the "picanté" aspect is concerned, yes there is a hint of peppery spice, but it's quite mild by our standards. Sweet? Yes. Quite sweet. Cheesy? Yes. Quite cheesy. But not very hot.

These went crazy well with water crackers and beef summer sausage. I don't really like them on their own, but they do very well with other charcuterie style foods. They need something bready to soak up all that oil. They're absolutely dripping with sunflower and canola oils and it's very difficult to get them completely dry.

$4.99 for the 5 serving jar. Not a bad thing to stash away in the back of the pantry for a rainy day. Four stars from me. Three and a half stars from the beautiful wifey for Trader Joe's Sweet Picanté Peppers with Creamy Cheese Filling.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Broccoli & Cheddar Cheese Quiche

Eleven years ago, Sonia and I did our very first video review on Trader Joe's Mexicaine Quiche, a comparable product to this one with similar packaging and preparation instructions. The dish didn't exactly wow us, so for the most part, we've avoided Trader Joe's quiche offerings for the past decade.

Although, I must admit, I had completely forgotten about odd little items like this one, which were similarly underwhelming and unmemorable. But even so, at long last, it is time to give TJ's quiche another whirl. This time, it's the broccoli and cheddar variety.

There's plenty of egg and cheese here. The crust is nice and crumbly. It's slightly buttery and supple. Somehow, I feel this product flaunts a tastier spice blend than some of its predecessors. It certainly isn't spicy per se, but there's a nice overall flavor, which some of the other quiches lacked. There's onion in there, which helps, but as far as actual herbs and spices, all I'm seeing is garlic, salt, and pepper. In my humble opinion, it's enough—although, a few dabs of hot sauce can't hurt, either.

There are large chunks of broccoli here and there, which can be a little stringy. The bites that contained very small bits of broccoli were better texture-wise, and I think more finely-chopped veggies would have helped distribute the greens around the dish more evenly.

$2.99 for the single serving quiche. It's nothing to write home about, but I definitely don't hate it, either. It makes a more interesting breakfast than toaster pastries or cereal, I suppose. I don't know if I'd seek this product out again, but if I found it in the back of my freezer, I'd happily fire up the oven and eat it without complaint. Three and a half stars a piece from Sonia and me for Trader Joe's Broccoli & Cheddar Cheese Quiche.

Bottom line: 7 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Butternut Squash Lasagna

Of the "big three" fall foods—pumpkin, apple, and maple—at least one isn't really a fall food at all, at least not in terms of its peak harvest season. I'm talking of course about maple syrup. It's easiest to acquire in February and March, so some argue it should be a late winter flavor rather than an early autumn one.

And I mean, don't get me started about apples. Even though apples are harvested in September around these parts, apples are pretty much available all year round to us spoiled Americans. Apple pie on the Fourth of July? Yes, please.

So really, butternut squash is much more autumnal than some of these other "fall flavors," and it rarely gets its due. We saw some pretty decent butternut squash macaroni and cheese not too long ago, which I believe is still available seasonally at TJ's, but unfortunately I have not seen that butternut squash parmigiana in quite some time.

Ah, well. Let's make do with what we have. As far as I know, this is a brand new product. Never saw it around TJ's before this year. How bad could it be? I never met a lasagna I didn't like.

Actually, that's not true. The very first post on this blog, written over 13 years ago, was a review of a lasagna I didn't like. Let's hope history doesn't repeat itself...

After 45 minutes at 400°F I can wholeheartedly assure you, history did not repeat itself in this instance. From first bite, this pasta dish delivers. It's creamy and cheesy inside, crispy and crusty on the outside, and it's got a nice cozy Italian vibe without being over-the-top heavy or rich.

Butternut squash is a fairly subtle flavor, and here, it's balanced expertly with the cheeses, herbs, spices, and layers of egg pasta. The crunchy bread crumbs and pumpkin seeds on the top just sealed the deal for me.

I can't vouch for this product shining quite so brightly if heated in the microwave. It does include nuking instructions on the box, so I guess Trader Joe's thinks it's legit.

If you're expecting a super bold flavor or traditional tomato-laden lasagna or anything remotely resembling pumpkin spice, then I guess it's conceivable you might be disappointed or unpleasantly surprised. We've got a smoky bechamel sauce in this instance, rather than typical marinara or spaghetti sauce. I liked it. It think it worked.

$4.49 for 2 servings. Sonia enjoyed it as well. Put her down for four stars. That sounds about right. Would buy Trader Joe's Italian Butternut Squash Lasagna again.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Cauliflower Crisps Snack

Some days I don't have any silly intro story or clever segue into the actual review, so I just reminisce about products from the past and link to them at the beginning of the post. That's what we'll do today. We won't remember every single product with cauliflower that we've seen over the years, but we'll look at the times when cauliflower has become a substitute for some other food staple. Ahh...let's look at:

That time cauliflower became rice.

That time cauliflower became mashed potatoes.

That time cauliflower became pizza crust.

That time cauliflower became latkes.

That time cauliflower became tortillas.

That time cauliflower became gnocchi.

That time cauliflower became jalapeño dip.

That time cauliflower became risotto.

That time cauliflower became cookie butter.

Okay, well, that last one might not have been a thing. But you get the picture. They can turn cauliflower into anything. So crispy little crackers should be a walk in the park for the versatile cauliflower, right?

In my book, not so much. These snacky circles are too dense, too rigid. If they were thinner, they'd be much easier to bite and chew. As is, they're like little cookies—more three-dimensional than I'd have imagined them to be. I thought they'd be delicate like rice crackers, but they're much more solid than that.

They taste a little like cauliflower. They're much more earthy and bitter than typical rice crackers. I think I'd be fine with the product if they used all the same ingredients and simply lost the cauliflower. I mean, brown rice flour is the second ingredient, and I never met a rice crisp I didn't like.

Sonia enjoys them. She thinks they have a very unique flavor, and I don't disagree. She's just a little more fond of that unusual flavor than I am. I'd try redeeming them with random toppings and dips, but I'm afraid it would just ruin my enjoyment of said toppings.

We paid $2.99 for the 2.5 serving bag. I wouldn't buy them again if it were just me. Sonia might I guess. Three and a half stars from the beautiful wifey. Two and a half stars from me for Trader Joe's Cauliflower Crisps Snack.

Bottom line: 6 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Vegetable & Cheese Enchiladas

Mexicans and Mexican-Americans like my wife eat some unusual fare from time to time. They eat cow tongue (lengua) and cow stomach soup (menudo). They eat grasshoppers (chapulines) and cactus (nopal) among other things.

I've tried lengua tacos. Not a fan. It's a texture thing. While I've had more than one stomach dish in my day, I've never had proper menudo. I'd try it, although I haven't enjoyed eating any kind of stomach ever. Not that they're my snack of choice or anything, but grasshoppers fried in oil and dusted with chili powder are not nearly as disgusting as one might think. You vill eat ze bugs and be happy!

Nopales, on the other hand, I enjoy eating fairly regularly. Sonia makes a dish with eggs, nopales, onions, and hot sauce that's really yummy. So we were excited to see nopal cactus as an ingredient in Trader Joe's Vegetable & Cheese Enchiladas.

The dish is quite mushy—almost soupy. I wouldn't mind more veggie chunks in the mix. More corn, more nopales, more zucchini, more onions, more of almost everything.

Taste-wise, I'm fine with the cheese and sauce blend. It's tangy and tomatoey, with just a hint of spice. I would prefer significantly more heat.

Sonia actually thinks these are quite bland. She thinks Trader Joe's is replacing the classic black bean and corn enchiladas with these veggie and cheese ones, and she's not very happy about it. She wants more spice, more onion, and more garlic flavor here.

While I'm not blown away, I'm not super disappointed either. I'd prefer a bit more kick and a little something to sink my teeth into, but I can see why some people are digging these enchiladas. Sonia...not so much. She thinks the flavor is a flop and would have preferred a tangier Mexican cheese like cotija.

$2.99 for two enchiladas. Two and a half stars from the beautiful wifey. I'll throw out three and a half for Trader Joe's Vegetable & Cheese Enchiladas.

Bottom line: 6 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Beef Pho Soup

I hadn't had a decent Asian meal in quite a while, so I thought, what the heck? Let's try some Trader Joe's Pho to see what they've done with the classic Vietnamese noodle soup.

It heats in the microwave from frozen in just six minutes, and unless you wanna get fancy, you can just eat it straight from the plastic bowl for a quick lunch. As the product emerged from the microwave, I detected an unusual potpourri-esque smell. Was that cinnamon and nutmeg in there? I haven't had real pho in a hot minute, but I certainly don't remember the soup smelling like a pumpkin spice candle.

The taste of the soup wasn't as strong in terms of the spices. In fact, it was fairly bland, although there was a hint of fennel. The noodles were slightly chewy, stiff, and mostly flavorless. The meat was excessively fatty for my taste. In a way, the veggies were the best part of the soup, but they were far and few between. I wouldn't have minded more bean sprouts and onions in the mix.

Something spicy was in order. Lacking freshly-sliced jalapeños as the "serving suggestion" depicts, I opted for sriracha sauce. Can't go wrong there. But even generous dollops of my second-favorite condiment couldn't completely redeem this Asian-inspired soup.

I hadn't remembered at the time of purchase, but we did look at a previous iteration of Trader Joe's Beef Pho Soup about 12 years ago. It was packaged differently back then and was likely from a different supplier, as this current cover boasts "Product of Canada" on the box while the previous version did not. We weren't completely bowled over by that last beef pho, but if anything, this rendition is a step in the wrong direction.

Sonia doesn't think this soup is that bad, but then she's never had real pho. She wasn't a fan of the chewy beef either, but she enjoyed the broth and noodles more than I did. Her portion sat around for 5 or 10 minutes longer than mine did, thus causing the rice noodles to soften a bit.

$3.69 for the single serving bowl. I would not buy again. The beautiful wifey is on the fence. Two stars from me for Trader Joe's Beef Pho Soup. Three from Sonia.

Bottom line: 5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Spicy Tempura Seaweed Snack

If you're one of those hamburger and French fries for every single meal kind of folks, I think you're gonna wanna sit this one out. Nothing wrong with hamburgers and fries. Nothing at all. It's a classic American meal. I like burgers as much as the next guy.

But variety is the spice of life, as they say. Also, spice is the spice of life. In this case, it's "togarashi style seasoning." Well, that sounds very Japanese. A quick glance at Wikipedia confirmed that suspicion. I'm excited now. Let's break open this very bright yellow bag, shall we?

It's not just seaweed snacks. It's seaweed snacks coated with tempura and spice-ified with Japanese pepper. There are little bubbles in portions of the tempura batter that almost look like tiny octopus suckers. And the seaweed itself looks like fish skin. If you wanted a kid to eat this for some reason, you could tell him it's dried meat from a sea monster and he might believe you.

Although it is fairly spicy. Not sure if young kids would tolerate the spice level here. It's like maybe a 6 on a scale of 1-10. Perfect for my taste. I might have even tolerated a notch or two beyond what's here, but the heat builds up on your tongue the more and more you eat. Trader Joe's Spicy Tempura Seaweed Snack might pair nicely with an ice cold Sapporo or Asahi. Man, I haven't had either one of those in a long time. But I sure do wish I had one right now.

The main weaknesses of this product versus traditional seaweed snacks are: the price. You can get a couple dozen seaweed sheets for half the price of this product. And regular seaweed snacks are pliable enough that you can wrap them or roll them up with other foods inside them. These are too brittle to be used that way.

$3.29 for the two serving bag. Product of Thailand. I just got this a couple weeks ago and I see no evidence that it's still being sold at TJ's. Anybody have any inside intel? I'd consider buying again, especially if I had a particular craving...and a Japanese beer to go along with it. Three and a half stars from me for Trader Joe's Spicy Tempura Seaweed Snack. Four from Sonia.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Black Garlic

I freaking love garlic. I've sung its praises on this blog numerous times in the past. I mean, I'm not a huge fan of what it does to one's breath, although if you and your partner both have it at the same meal, it's never quite as offensive as when only one of you has partaken of the potent plant's pungency.

It's delicious raw or cooked, in sauces, salsas, dips, chips—you name it, it works. I know they even have garlic ice cream. I think I'll pass on that, though.

You'd think I'd have heard of black garlic a long time ago, but its existence has only recently come to my attention. The easiest way to describe the flavor is with the following analogy:

black garlic : plain garlic :: caramelized onions : raw onions

Black garlic is to plain raw garlic as caramelized onions are to raw onions. Yes. It says right on the shaker it has a "caramelized-like flavor." It might sound a little awkward to put it like that, but it's not wrong. Trader Joe's Black Garlic is actually a little sweet. It's a rich, dark, earthy sweetness, but it's definitely kinda sweet.

Texture-wise, it's like large grains of salt. It makes food just a little crunchy and gritty, but in a good way. I added it to a bagel with plain cream cheese, and black garlic made every aspect of it better. I even tried it on hamburgers, and it worked better than I'd expected. I imagine you could use it on just about anything salty or savory.

$2.99 for about one net ounce of the condiment. Kosher. I'd buy it again. It has rice hull as an "anticaking agent" in the ingredients, but you still might find the grains are stuck together. Just break them apart with a fork before shaking. 

Four and a half stars a piece from Sonia and me on Trader Joe's Ground Fermented Black Garlic.

Bottom line: 9 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Hot Pico de Gallo Salsa

Hot take: Trader Joe's Hot Pico de Gallo Salsa isn't hot, but it's still really good.

Jalapeño peppers are right there—the third ingredient on the list. I'm not sure if our jalapeños were just extra tame or if there simply weren't enough of them, but this salsa that so boldly proclaims itself "hot" was not particularly spicy to either my palate or that of my lovely wife.

And Sonia knows pico de gallo. She's been eating it her whole life. I've been eating it since the 2000's, when I discovered Baja Fresh. Man, they had the best pico de gallo. I mean, theirs wasn't hot either, but you could mix it with spicy salsa and make your own hot pico if you wanted to. Up until now, Baja Fresh had the best pico de gallo either of us had ever eaten.

I think Trader Joe's Hot Pico de Gallo Salsa may now have stolen that title. It's quite flavorful. I guess maybe the tomato, lemon, and cilantro have a cooling effect on what little heat the jalapeños provide. We can always add our own hot sauce or spicy salsa.

It just tastes fresh. The tomatoes, onions, and peppers are pristine and healthy-looking, and they taste like they were just sliced yesterday, rather than sitting in a plastic tub for weeks, being carted all over America in a hot box truck.

Anyway, we'll probably buy it again despite its lack of heat. $2.99 for the 12 oz tub. Four and a half stars a piece for Trader Joe's Hot Pico de Gallo Salsa from Sonia and me.

Bottom line: 9 out of 10.